Ugh, How Much More Can A Guy Take?

Hello folks - Merry Christmas!

and a Happy New Year!

Gosh, I wish I could start you off with a HAPPY NOTE, but it has been an interesting set of few weeks since I spoke with you last. Let's catch you up to current: My dad is currently stuck in a massive back up on I-205 going southbound onto I-5 south on his way to get me for Christmas. This is because ODOT, my employer decided to do an "ice clean-up" on the freeway shortly before rush hour. This leads to many questions, to many answers I can provide...

Why is my dad coming to get me? I have been suffering for the past several days with pneumonia. This is the first time in my life I've had it, and the last time I ever want it again. The last few days of my life have been extreme hell -- and I've been through cancer, shingles, surgeries, and many, many other illnesses and hardships in my life. Finally, today I think with the grace of God things started turning around and I started to feel better. This of course, after nearly avoiding spending some time in the hospital after an extended ER visit last night. They hooked me up with some breathing treatments, and shortly after I started breathing better once again. My entire day was spent with doctors... first thinking I had some sort of mass putting pressure on my airways, possibly cancer. I said "I don't think so!" and eventually my body vindicated me of that. With the combination of two different antibiotic treatments, rest, and keeping myself warm, I am happy to say I think I am on the rebound... I couldn't have said that 24 hours ago!

So what's the deal with the shingles? Either they are being covered up by the pneumonia, or I am finally recovering from them as well... or maybe the appropriate medication I've been taking is covering up the pain appropriately?

What's next? I hope to enjoy Christmas with my family, and then it's back to the Willamette Valley and hopefully back to work in good health. Shortly after the new year, I hope to present to you 2008's Top Ten People!

I wish you all the best, a quiet, happy, and restful Christmas and New Years!

-LB

Are You Kidding Me?

Folks, if I hadn't been hit enough lately with diseases and setbacks... I have been diagnosed with a case of Shingles, which apparently has developed further into postherpetic neuralgia. Oddly enough, this type of condition can develop when the immune system has been compromised by things such as chemotherapy. CHEMOTHERAPY??? Really? Are you serious? Lucky me!!!

It all started about two weeks ago... it was just a minor pinch I felt in my left side. Nothing to worry about I thought. Then a week ago this past Sunday I woke up in some serious pain. I couldn't sleep any longer and rushed to my cabinet full of pain killers. I was finally able to catch up with the pain and treat it. Nothing seemed to completely kill it, however, and I was living in pain for yet another day when I decided to visit Salem's ER... after about a four hour wait, x-ray, and examination -- nothing was found. Nothing I thought... sure... right...

I lived with pain yet another night and day when I decided to follow up with my oncologist (thinking this might by Lymphoma related). The visit was productive as I had a CT scan which came up 'inconclusive.' Another thing to be ruled out: Lymphoma and any possibility of kidney stones.

Several blood and urine tests later... nothing could be found. "Huh," I thought... and then I went through the "why me?" phase. Finally, I returned to Wallowa County for Thanksgiving with my folks. I was in pain almost the entire time. Oddly enough, soaking in a warm bath was one thing that seemed to temporarily reprieve me from this massive pain. But even with as much pain killers as a small pharmacy would carry, my patience were wearing thin yet again and I had to do something! My dad took me to the local clinic where they thought I might have an ulcer of sorts, and directed me to take some Prilosec and Tylenol (instead of Ibuprofen--which is what I was taking). Needless to say, it didn't work, and the meds that were working were now out of my system. So I loaded back up on Ibuprofen and some various narcotics from my cancer treatment. So, it's now Saturday after Thanksgiving... I'm still in pain... my dad takes me to the ER in Enterprise. I finally get somewhere... this time there was no kidding around. The doc came in and saw me and I told him what I just told you now... and he followed the pain perfectly with his finger on my stomach to my side and around to my back. He was fairly confident I had a case of neuralgia. So treating it with Gabapentin seemed to start cutting into the pain fairly well. I knew this doc had actually hit pay dirt for the first time.

Stepping forward to today (Monday), I followed up with my primary care physician. I told him yet the same story once again... and he agreed with the doctor in Enterprise, but also added an important diagnosis; specifically, this was a case of shingles. It was a case that showed little or no rash (like most do), and since it has been advancing, it has turned into postherpetic neuralgia. Sounds pretty bad, but there is a good prognosis in all of this... it is likely only to be around for another 3-6 weeks because this stage was caught early and I am dealing with the pain quite well with the proper medications. Though it could last longer in some rare cases, we just aren't going to go there, okay?

So folks, there you have it... another chapter in Levi's quest to have the most unusual and rare combination of medical anomalies for a young man in his twenties.

-LB

Staying On Top Of The Pain

Today was a difficult day, but a lot easier than yesterday. Fortunately, my oncologist was able to get me in almost right away. Unfortunately he wasn't able to make anything of last night's CT scan because there was no IV contrast. So today, I had to repeat the process and I am currently awaiting the results. I asked my oncologist today point-blank "you think this Lymphoma" and he responded "not likely -- it would be very unusual for it to come on this fast and to hurt you as much as it is. What I'm seeing isn't symptomatic of Lymphoma at all. Now I'm saying it's unusual, that doesn't mean it's impossible either."

It appears NOT to be anything resembling a kidney stone. It's tissue that is pressing against something and hurting me an awful lot -- that's about all I can report right now. Fortunately I got a lot more done today than I did yesterday.

The biggest battle of them all is staying on top of this horrific pain. I've never had such an interesting battle... if I don't time things just right -- I pay for it. Last night I woke up about 3am and took pain medication, it was a wise thing to do because I didn't wake up in stabbing pain. I'd rather wake myself up via alarm rather than to have the pain wake me up at 5am stabbing me in the side.

I'm staying optimistic at this point. Hopefully it's just benign tissue and there is an easy way to make it go away -- that's the optimal route I am hoping for.

-LB

I Wish I Had Good News - 200th POST!

I wish I had better news on my 200th post, but I don't. I do have more excitement, however! Monday had plenty of madness involved, so it lived up to it's name in that respect.

The last couple of weeks I've had this small nagging pain in my left side. It was a dull pain that would kind of come and go... and with some more recent swelling -- I attributed it to just that. Figured it was just some swelling pressing up against something. Unfortunately, I was right but as with anything in my life this wasn't going to be easy. Early Monday morning I woke up almost crying from the pain it was shooting in my side so bad. I immediately got out of bed and took a variety of pain medications I had (within safe reason)... after about two hours of agonizing pain I finally felt some relief and started to snooze again. This had me missing the first half of the day at work and letting my boss know I wouldn't be coming in at least for a while. I called the doc in the morning and his scheduled turned out to be packed, and the receptionist suggested I go to the ER based on my symptoms. So that I did, and that turned out to be almost as painful as the pain itself (well, not really--but darn close!). I went into Salem's ER and it was packed as well. They were rather quick, doing a variety of tests right away with blood, urine, xray, blood pressure, etc. About four hours later I got a room and after another hour of waiting in the room the doctor arrived and told me what I had suspected all along--I had tissue of some sort folding under in my chest pressing up against my diaphragm which was causing all this pain. As the doctor was about ready to leave, he asked how long this had been going on... etc... etc... and said I had better have a CT to make sure it wasn't kidney stones as he was starting to think that could be a possible reason as well. I thought "oh no!" But I kept thinking to myself that it wasn't kidney stones... and after another hour, I found out I was right. The doc came in again and told me that news and also told me that the tissue is some sort of fatty tissue build-up in the same "tissue family" as what I had just gone through--but probably not cancer this time by the way it looked. I am hopeful that it is not, because after the chemo I had just weeks ago I doubt I would feel pain this quickly. That is my one good alibi out of all of this!

Later today (Tuesday) I will be going into work like normal, and then visiting my oncologist to find out where we will go from here--keeping my fingers crossed that this is not another 'cancer saga' I am faced with yet again.

So, I wanted this 200th post to be about reminicing about the previous 200 posts. About how I've taken this little blog a long ways in the past six years. It first started off as a small "side project" to my once huge website to turning into a "huge project" in my now small website. The little news blurp and top ten were always popular features of my website dovoted to cancer survivors. As my life moved along several different avenues (not forgetting my past), the blog took over the site discussing the other things going as well as the cancer scares along the years. Since cancer returned last year, the blog has been an enormously useful tool in communicating with my friends and family. It's useful interface has allowed me to communicate from almost anywhere -- not requiring any special software like my original website once did.

200 posts... I've come along way. 300, 400, 500... 1000 I am sure will come and go. Cancer scares or not, I plan on being with you through the long haul! Take care.... :-)

-LB

Another Week In The Clear

I wouldn't have ever thought that I would have two consecutive weeks of good health if you would have asked me a month ago. Sure enough, I remain in the clear. Another week back at work finds me on the receiving end of more and more projects from my manager at ODOT. This is a good thing as he is gaining more and more confidence in me that I am in it for the long haul. People often ask what I "do" at ODOT. Well let me tell you briefly: My title is 'Project Manager and Web Developer.' Primarily, I am the front-end webmaster for a site you may have heard of: ODOT's Trip Check website. Located at www.tripcheck.com, the site receives nearly 3,000 visits a day on average, and reaches a peak of 12,000 in the winter months when a storm hits. I am in charge of the look and feel of the site itself, while I have a team of programmers who work in the background to ensure the servers and scripts are in order 24 hours a day, seven days a week. In 2009, I will be responsible for a completly new graphic interface -- which is in the planning stages right now. Lately, I have been working on a traffic congestion map for the Portland/Vancouver area. Previously, the map only covered Portland, but I have been working on the expansion into Vancouver. The Trip Check website is the largest, most heavily visited site I've ever had the opportunity to be a part of. However, in my own private business (LB Productions - d.b.a. LBSITES) we have an organization's site who we manage which comes fairly close.

Though Trip Check is the largest part of my position, it's not all I do for Intelligent Transportation Systems (ITS) section of ODOT. I manage the internet and intranet ITS websites, publish a quarterly newsletter, work with the 511 telephone system, and work on other various duties within ODOT's ITS section.

For those of you who didn't know, I use to work for the Transportation Development Division (TDD) of ODOT as their Technology Coordinator. It was a position I very much loved, but this new position as Project Manager with ITS came about, and it was something I couldn't refuse. It turned out to be a very smart promotion for me and though I miss the folks at TDD everyday, I am enjoying the new work at ITS.

I am happy I can finally start telling you about other things going on in my life besides my health. Though, I will continue to keep you posted on that as well. Like for instance this week I was in pretty good shape, but I'm still dealing with some swelling on and off -- so far it's just a small annoyance.

Last weekend Thane *aka Sven* and I helped my friend Jonathan move to Eugene. It was a major bummer to see him leave Salem -- thankfully, though, he still works for ODOT here in Salem and I see him almost daily still. I have been trying to talk him into staying up here at my place every once in a while -- especially when the weather is bad.

Again, I am happy to speak with you all on somewhat good terms this week. I am still healing and it will take several months to return to "normal," I know with all the love, prayers, and support I've received from family and friends -- this is a goal that is within sight.

-LB

Communications Crisis!

This weekend went well. I feel like my body is trying to start healing itself. I am still noticing shortness of breath on a frequent basis, but that could be from being laid up for two and a half months. But all and all the weekend wasn't bad... until that is... MY CELL PHONE WAS STOLEN! My friend /slash/ roommate Thane *aka 'Sven'* was with me and we were at the mall. We were just looking around in a store, I sat my phone down for a brief moment, and BAM! it was gone. It appears whoever took it immediately shut it off because it was going to voicemail right away. I had just charged it, and where it was left there was more than adequate signal. Thane and I spent an hour retracing our steps and looking around and found nothing. I even let the clerks know at the store and nothing turned up. So, long and the short of it -- I will be without a phone for at least two days. Thankfully I had insurance on it, but there was still a deductable... oh and the big thing -- all my numbers! So, friends, I am asking you... if I communicate with you regularly and you think I might not already know your number by heart... will you send it to me? Those of you who I talk to at least once in a while, please send your numbers. DO NOT leave them in the comments of this blog, but e-mail them to me at: levi@lbsites.com ... Even if you don't send me your number, chances are I will be able to figure it out from my call logs, etc.

Yes, it made for a terrible evening, but it is just a phone and right now I could be stressed out over it -- but I'm not going to be. My health is trying to return, and the last thing I need to do is stress out over trivial things and risk a setback. So, for now, I shall keep all my energy for healing and forget the small things.

-LB

The News Is In

This past Wednesday was a long one for me. It was the day I would learn my fate for the weeks and months to come. I suffered through yet another CT scan in the morning and drank enough of that nasty iodine liquid to make a guy sick. Then, I was injected with the glowing liquid while my body was scanned. Normally it makes me nauseated, but thankfully the techs listened to me and things went fine.

I met my oncologist later that afternoon to find out the results, but they were not in yet. He did a physical to check for any lumps, he said things looked good. He told me that even though the results hadn't come in, he could tell me the three scenarios. First, if my lymph nodes had gone down, no more treatment would be required. Second, even if they were the same size, we would likely stop treatment and just keep an eye on things. Third, (and the most upsetting) -- if the nodes had gotten larger, more aggressive treatment would be required along with a possible bone marrow transplant.

After I left the doctor's office, I thought about that third option for the next few hours. I thought about how much I had already been through, and how I didn't want to deal with anymore major operations or treatments. But then again, some people are much worse off -- maybe it would be something I could handle... maybe I would be fine?

Later that evening I was hanging out with my friends Zeke and Thane at a brew pub in downtown Portland, when my phone flashed that I had a new voicemail. It was the news I had been waiting for. The doc reported that my lymph nodes had gone completely back to normal! I was THRILLED! No more treatment! I am very happy to hear that my life just might be going back to normal after two years of this! We can all hope right? Zeke and Thane were happy for me as well and even bought me dinner that night. It was a good way to end an otherwise nervous day.

I'm not totally out of the woods yet, but as long as things remain clear over the coming weeks and months my odds will continue to improve as far as remission and recovery goes.

So there you have it, I might actually be okay... at least for now. And that's all that counts. When you're me, you take things day by day and hope for the best. Now I can give my body the next few weeks to heal up from the damage that was done as a result of what has been done to it... then maybe after that I can start going to the gym again. Life as I know it might return to normal -- whatever that means.

-LB

P.S. HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

It's Time For An Update

Lots and lots of you have been asking why I haven't updated the blog in a while. Well, I apologize for that, and so I'll be sure and fill you in. The last two weeks have been hell as I've been swollen up like a balloon. It's the main reason I haven't updated. I've been confined to my recliner almost the entire time. What is the cause? We'll between my oncologist and I, we've pretty much figured out it is the oxycodone pain medication and the type of chemotherapy I've been on. It comes as no surprise that I fell into that small minority that have this side effect to this type of chemo... lucky me :-)

The swelling went from head to toe on my body, and with this obvious handicap, I was not able to work, let alone barely walk. Breathing has even been a chore. Luckily, I've switched pain medication and taken a break from chemo -- and the swelling has been coming down. Really what it is -- is water weight, and it has been coming off slowly but surely. Tomorrow I plan to return to work, at least part time.

Wednesday will be the big day for me -- I go to OHSU in Portland to have a CT scan which will reveal if any of this chemo has helped wipe out this cancer. I am keeping my fingers crossed. If it could all be gone, I would be most grateful.

Also, on a positive note, I've had my long time friend Thane who has been living here while he goes to school. So he has definitely helped pick up the slack when I am unable.

To all of you, I thank you for your prayers and well wishes, without you, I wouldn't get through this.

-LB

Thoughts and Prayers To My Sis

I write on another sad note this evening. If the Bobbitt family has caught bad times, it seems that this year has been one of the worst. As the saying goes... "when it rains, it pours." With my recent diagnosis of cancer, medical complications that followed, and as a result, heavily strained financial times due to staggering medical bills -- the last thing my family needed was something to strike my poor sister. My family had the great fortune of hearing the news that she would be expecting a baby in May. Today (Wednesday), we learned that may not happen due to a complication in the pregnancy. It is likely that my sister will lose her baby -- as it has stopped growing. Next week she may have to make the difficult decision if it hasn't been made for her already. My thoughts and prayers are with her, and I only tear up when hearing the thought of losing my niece or nephew. If I've ever made a request in the past, this would be it, please put your thoughts and prayers with her... will you, please? Such generosity would make me appreciative to the bottom of my heart. As always, thanks for reading, and God Bless (I don't say that enough, and will start saying it more).

-LB

The Post-Chemo Lag

What am I talking about? It seems I don't feel all cruddy from chemo treatments, until the Monday after a Thursday treatment. Well not exactly, but here's how it has been going: I have chemo on Thursday, then the very next day (on Friday), I feel a bit tired, but not too cruddy. Saturday and Sunday, I (again) feel about the same, just a bit off my game, tired and just a tad cruddy... then comes Monday... I wake up feeling like I have been hit real hard in the stomach, legs swollen, and very, very tired. But don't get the wrong idea -- I feel crappy overall, all the time. I just feel the worst on the Monday following a treatment.

This past treatment went a little better than the last. The previous treatment I had two weeks ago gave me severe 'sunburn-like' burns and made life miserable! My Salem oncologist decided with my OHSU Portland oncologist to lower the dose of my chemotherapy by 20% to prevent the burns. It seems to have worked. I did get a hint of a burn this time, but NOTHING like last time. I am very grateful!

HATS OFF, to my friend Malinda Hoke for visiting me in the hospital while I was receiving treatment. She is the first and only so far to visit me while I have had treatment. I hope that's a hint to some of my other friends ;-). I told her though, "don't take any work off!" and she told me she wasn't, but still showed up -- I still have no idea if she took time off or not. She's still a very classy GAL for visiting me. THANK YOU MALINDA!

In other news... I am having a good time living with my friend Thane here in Salem. He's been a good guy to be roommates with. Especially going through what I have, it's been nice to have a familiar face around to talk to and hang out with.

Another shout-out to my fellow ODOT employees for donating their vacation time on my behalf. It is generosity such as that, which has enabled me to keep my medical insurance and keep some of a paycheck! I nearly could have lost my insurance, but thankfully did not, because I work with some very dedicated and generous folks.

-LB

What's Next?

This week was a bit of a relief when my oncologist and I decided it was better not to go forward with a chemotherapy treatment. This is because the previous two treatments caused a reaction. Apparently a reaction that only happens to about 30% of patients treated with this chemo drug. It is a burning of the skin in the legs up to the middle of the stomach. Almost like a severe sunburn, and in my opinion possibly worse. So, with that happening, along with recent severe swelling from lymphedema, and just being completely drained from all of the above -- a week off sounded pretty good to me.

Another thing I've noticed about this chemotherapy is how it is effecting me mentally. I seem to be much more forgetful and even spacey at times. Many cancer patients would refer to this as "chemo brain." I believe I am no exception, especially this being the second time in my life of having chemo treatments.

When all this negative is happening, it is so easy to get caught up in all of it and forget about the positive things. So, it is my goal to think about the positive as much as I can (and at least name one thing during each blog entry). The positive is this, I know the chemo is working because I do not feel the stabbing pain from the huge lymph nodes in my abdominal area like I did a month ago. Something must be working!

Additionally, I was able to go back to work two days this past week. It allowed me to get caught up on my email and tasks there and let everyone know that I was going to make the best effort I could to start being in the office at least 2-3 days a week (so long as the treatment doesn't get the better of me -- which it will NOT).

So there you have it. What's ahead? I will have another chemotherapy treatment this coming Thursday. The dose will be less in hopes that it will not severely burn me. Most importantly, I have a positive prognosis to look forward to.

-LB

What A Pain

It's been almost a week now since my first chemo treatment (sorry for the slowness in my update). Fortunately, I didn't have any immediate reaction to the treatment, which consists of the chemo drug Gemcitabine -- often used for pancreatic, lung, and resistant types of Lymphoma.

Now with about a week behind me, I am seeing some side effects. For one, even the slightest warm water touching my skin in certain places feels like acid. The pain is unbearable. I've even been warned that too much contact of hot water can make the skin slough off. So, as you can imagine I'm being careful. But with that being said, that is one of very few side effects.

The main problem: swelling, which seems to be associated with an allergic reaction to pain medication I'm taking. It's either morphine or oxycodone, or both. The swelling in combination with the chemo treatment has made life miserable for almost a week now. My sleep has been little or irregular, there has been lymph fluid oozing in places I don't care to discuss (and believe me, that feels like acid too.) With the swelling, breathing has been very difficult -- I am homebound most of the time and haven't been to work for almost 10 days. Thankfully, I have generous fellow ODOT employees who have been most kind in donating comp time towards my leave.

I do not believe it's just one thing causing my one miserable condition -- it's a combination of things interacting together causing my mysery, and if I could just take out the most irritating variable from the equation, I know I could feel better. Nonetheless, I will say, upon waking up today, I felt better. I am not sure what the difference was, but I've been taking different doses of medication in hopes of relief. It might be helping. Regardless, these are baby steps, but still steps.

I have been fortunate to have my friend Thane around while going through some of this. He hasn't found a place to live yet as a college student, so he is staying here until that happens. This has been a very good thing for me. My friend Michele has also been very instramental in support during my "needy" time. She has gone out of her way to offer support and take care of things when needed. She also is checking up on me all the time to make sure I am alive :-) For that I am very appreciative.

There isn't a lot of good news right now, but I will focus on one positive, and that is I have a lot of support and that there is light at the end of this tunnel. I know this, and I know though it will take time, it won't take forever.

The next chemotherapy treatment is Thursday at 3:45, I will try to give you a much better, timlier, and more positive update as I endure more pain and drugs to save my life.

-LB

Chemo Starting Soon

Hello everyone! I am writing because after a long wait, I will finally start treatments this week. I am actually strangely excited to start because it means a new fresh start. The lymph nodes in my pelvic region have been causing me pain for sometime, and the thought of shrinking them back to normal is a relief. I received my schedule Monday after visiting with my new Salem Oncologist Dr. Strother. He is working with my OHSU oncologist on my treatment plan.

I would also like to thank everyone for their thoughts and prayers over these past few weeks. It seems as if I have an entire network of 'prayer,' which I know has helped immensely.

Not to worry, I will keep everyone posted here on how I handle my first treatment. Naturally, I plan to be off Thursday and Friday of this week to undergo the treatment and rest following it.

Going through this a third time in my life gives me new perspective, as I know there are others out there who have endured the same if not worse than I, and I am just thankful for the fact that I have a fighting chance for my friends and family!

-LB

The Little Levi 501 Bobbitt

I was inspired to write this blog tonight, by the Carper Family from Anchor Point, Alaska.

Unfortunately, at the age of 28, I've learned all too quickly of what that chalky, sawdust-like taste of the "breakfast routine" tastes like. I'm not a stranger to it, either -- in fact I learned at the age of 17. Though, I was lucky enough to bounce out of that by the time I was 18. I lucked out... until now that is.

The thought of my existence consisting of a white (so lightly blonde) haired little boy who was innocent once long ago, prior to this cancer experience brought tears to my eyes. I'll never experience that care-free feeling again. But that is all part of life, right?

With the most regret, I hate to say, I could have prevented this latest bout with cancer. If I had only listened to my mother and ate better. If I had only listened to my friends and went out and had more fun. If I had only listened to myself... I would have not let the business I called LB Productions hit me so close to home... I could have escaped. But I didn't, and I let it sink, sink so deep that I kept moving forward. The thinking was is that I'd move so far I could become more successful and provide jobs in the community. But what did I do? I ran myself into the ground. I listened when I should have listened to myself. I let everyone and everything that walked through my door walk into my soul. I am learning and I have learned. Life, the stress -- it's all not worth it. I was given offers of 'opportunity' and I was told not to refuse. I should have. I was only struck deeper. Finally after all of this, right on the cusp of becoming ill again, I listened, to myself, for once. On a hot August evening I listened to my roommate and ultimately my soul. I made a move that would turn things upside down. It was a quick and miscalculated move. A move that I'm finally digging out of--one that I am learning from. I feel as if I am working back to when I was that little white-haired boy. I don't want to have worries any longer. As an adult, I will have them, always, but I no longer want the big worries, like cancer, money and God knows what else.

Thanks to the Carpers, my friends, and my family for helping me move forward, even if technically it means I'm moving backward.

-LB

P.S. Carpers: you know all too well about the sawdusty pill taste, I think you better follow me back to the worry-free days of childhood :-)

Fatigue

Hi everyone, welcome to my blog. I hope you find it fascinating, funny, and sometimes just a little bit off the hook. Mostly, it's about my trial through life. But it's sometimes just silly little stories and goof-ball antics of my friends and I. The reason I'm giving you a briefing on what what my blog is all about is because I've added a few NEW members to my mailing list. One, is a fellow cancer survivor who went through the horrible ordeal the exact same time I did. I remember running into her in Walla Walla a few times during treatments. She's a very cool and loving human being who has become a hero of mine. The other two members I've added are a husband and wife of my best friend. They've been good close friends of mine and have kept me lifted in times when I needed it the most. I wanted to share what I've been going through with them.

I also want my blog to be an open discussion area. If any of you wish to share something, please send it on and I will be happy to post. Plus, you are ALWAYS welcome to click on the comment button below the post to share your thoughts. Additionally, if any of you ever become annoyed, gratified, or wish to add or withdraw from my list, just send me an e-mail, okay? No hard feelings either way! :) Take care.

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(PHOTO CREDIT: My parent's house... the west side is being repainted and bushes being trimmed. The bushes don't look that pretty right now as they have been trimmed way back.)

This cancer is finally starting to show it's ugly side. For the past couple weeks now (at least) I have been suffering from severe fatigue. Yes, the pain medication is a huge part of it, but even when I back off from taking as much I feel tired. The only difference is I have lots of pain. Yesterday, was the first day I felt nauseous. It was very odd, I had lunch an hour previously, and then I started to feel very sick. I almost had to visit the bathroom (if you know what I mean), but I took some deep breaths and got through the feeling. So, tomorrow (Monday), couldn't come soon enough when I visit my new oncologist at Salem Hospital. He and my OHSU oncologist have a working relationship that will allow me to be under his care and so I don't have to drive as far every week. I thank Bill Courtney for driving last week. It was a big relief not having to drive that distance with my bad leg. I would have to rely on people every week if I couldn't go to Salem. I didn't want to put that sort of burden on my friends. It also sounds like that Salem has a very nice Cancer Institute. It also will be just minutes from my house.

I went to work two days last week and I expect to hopefully go more this week -- maybe 3-4 days. My new manager has been very understanding.

I'll admit -- I feel sick and tired. My activity is at an all time low right now. This mostly has to do with the cancer, but also some personal matters on the side. But with friends keeping my spirits lifted, I have no worries. My friend Michele came to visit for the day yesterday -- that was pretty cool. She is helping me get a new pet (probably a kitten). I am excited for that. Then last week, my pal Jonathan and I went to a pub and got a bit to eat, played some guitar hero. Later in the week I went to his place and we enjoyed some brews and watched Hancock -- a pretty good Will Smith flick.

So, all in all I am staying alive here. Yeah, life could be much better for me right now... but I am doing my best to stay afloat.

-LB

Life

Tomorrow is the big day where I find out when I start chemotherapy. I see my oncologist at OHSU on Wednesday afternoon. He should at very least give me a preliminary plan on what I'm up against as far as treatment goes. Fortunately, this go round it appears I will be getting a much "lighter" treatment then I did back in 1997-98. Essentially, we are managing the enlarged lymph nodes instead of trying to kill cancer dead in it's tracks. Such and approach would hospitalize me with intensive chemotherapy, almost causing more harm than good. I have the impression chemo is something I might have to undergo every few years just to keep my "crazy cells" under control. Nonetheless, this treatment is going to make me tired, keep me from going to work on a regular basis, and lower my white blood cell count.

I have already exuasted all of my vacation and sick leave with ODOT. This means any time I take off now will be unpaid, and I also run the risk of losing my benefits if I go below full time status. My last hope is putting in for 'hardship donations.' This is where generous fellow ODOT employees donate vacation time to those of us less fortunate. I am keeping my fingers crossed that this is something that will work out for me.

On one final note, I am a single guy once again. Things ultimatly did not work out for us. I am sure that the recent pressure of my illness didn't help matters. Regardless, it is better for us to move on at this point. I had a really good time while it lasted and as much of a bummer it is to breakup, it often is a part of life.

-LB

I'm Out - FINALLY!

September 2nd, 2008 -- my 28th birthday, and I'm finally discharged from OHSU hospital... FINALLY!

What's next? A lot of wound care -- I'll be going to a place here in Salem for quite sometime having my wound packed and dressed to see that it heals properly. I will also be downing a lot of oral antibiotics to keep myself from getting infected... because my leg is just a breeding ground for bacteria at this point -- YUCK!

My girlfriend Carrie returned from Disney World today as well. It was nice to have things get a little bit back to normal. We missed each other and wished the circumstances wouldn't have worked out this way. Nonetheless, at least it's water under the bridge now and we are together again.

In addition, I had planned on making a visit back home to Joseph, but because of my hospital stay it's likely to be Thanksgiving at this point. I'm out of sick leave and vacation time at work. I'll be using disability leave from work here on out. I hope to return intermittently sometime in the near future as chemo starts soon.

Thanks everyone for your well wishes, prayers, and good thoughts while I was out of commission. Even so, I'll be healing, resting, and off the radar for quite some time ahead, it's still nice to know how many of you care. A special thanks to my friend Melissa Newhouse for arriving at my beckon-call this morning when I was released. It was a way cool favor to do on one's not so hot b-day.

-LB

Still Here

September 2nd is my 28th birthday, and the seventh day I will be at OHSU Hospital. I want to be discharged so bad it's not even funny. I feel like I've almost forgotten what daily life feels like.

I do understand the dangers of being released too early. I have two very serious bacterium in my system that the IV antibiotics have finally finished off. But the thought of coming back to spend another week or two in this place doesn't seem appealing at all. So I'm going to go when I am told I can go. That day is hopefully my birthday.

Before I can even start chemo, I have to have significant healing of my wound created from the biopsy I had a couple weeks ago. That could take at least a month or two. The wound is nearly a foot deep. The abnormally enlarged lymph node was sitting around one of the major nerves on my thigh -- it did not feel pleasant at all. What's worse is that I have several of them in my pelvic region, and God knows what they are touching, as they are causing me tremendous pain.

I'm also not likely to return to work on a regular basis anytime soon. Normal life as I know it will take sometime to return--but this year has been anything but normal.

-LB

P.S. Thank you SO much for coming to see me during my hospital stay Melissa, Kelly, and Zeke! And of course my parents who were here several days of my stay!

<<< DEVELOPING NEWS >>>

ADMITTED BACK INTO OHSU

I wish I had better news to report, but I don't. The wound from my biopsy went from bad to worse on Wednesday. After a doctor in Stayton took a look at it, he told me to get back up to OHSU immediately. Thus, this is what I did, and I was admitted back into the hospital for a type of cellulitis infection, if not more. The report back from the culture they took should be in soon to determine what bacteria started this all. What I can say is that it came from the very hospital where I had the surgery -- go figure!

Again, this is a surgery I didn't even need had the P.E.T. scan been taken before to determine the lymph node was not metastasized. Now I cannot move forward with anything until the infection is gone. Right now, I am under some pretty powerful antibiotics to rid me of this nasty infection in my left groin.

What's worse: the sutures did not hold, and they had to completely take out any of the stitches they put in originally, and pack the wound from the bottom up. I now have a big hole in my leg! It will take some time to heal all up.

CHEMOTHERAPY LIKELY TO HAPPEN SOON

Not a big fan of chemo, but with the pain I've been lately, I'll take it at this point. This afternoon my doc stopped by my hospital room here at OHSU and told me the three treatment regimens he is tossing around right now, they range from fairly light to a more intense round of drugs. The lymph nodes in the back of my abdomen have only gotten more significant and more painful in the last few days... making it more of a reality that I have T-Cell Lymphoma.

I will keep you posted on this developing front as my treatment for the infection winds down. I should be out of the hospital this weekend.

I know life isn't fair, but a guy has to start wondering when he's going to get a break?

-LB

THE LATEST --------->

P.E.T. SCAN RESULTS ARE IN

I received a call from my oncologist this afternoon -- the results from my P.E.T. scan were in. The news confirmed what I had suspected, that Lymphoma is likely in lymph nodes deep in my abdominal area rather than in my groin. The procedure I had almost two weeks ago was a waste of time, as the cancer was higher up in my body. Why a P.E.T. scan was not ordered before the biopsy is beyond me, and frankly, I'm not too thrilled about it right now.

So what will happen next? Though the scan showed cells metastasizing in the abdominal lymph glands, it is still not a sure bet I have cancer. Nine out of ten times it is, however. One of three things are likely to happen: 1) A needle biopsy will be performed to collect tissue, 2) an endoscopic biopsy will be done to view and collect the tissue, 3) some light chemotherapy treatment will be given to see if it has any results. Why weren't these things done previously, even on the lymph node that wasn't effected? Why weren't these options even discussed with me before? It's beyond me, and I'm growing with frustration over it.

This all comes on the heels of yesterday's follow up appointment with my surgeon to remove the sutures. Apparently it was too long and my skin had already started growing over the top of them, making the removal a painful and messy process. Days before, the incision had started to leak a clear and milky discharge. I called into my oncologist who told me this can happen. As the weekend progressed it became more of a stream than a drip. By Monday (yesterday) it was starting to slow a bit. Nevertheless, I could not go out in public, let alone go to work. My surgeon said it was lymph fluid coming from my lower leg and going straight out -- saying it was the "path of least resistance." The reinforcements he put in place weren't working and the wound would have to be 'packed.' Today I had my second round of 'packing' done out in Stayton where my primary doctor is. Their reaction was negative as well, noting the infection and lack of care to the wound and surgery. Wednesday, I will most likely be heading towards Portland again to make sure the infection is under control.

Right now I stay home (unable to work), and thinking about what is in front of me -- another frustrating battle with Lymphoma, something I'm going to fight, but not likely with the help of OHSU.

-LB

Change of Plans

Needle Biopsy Called Off; P.E.T. Scan To Be Taken Instead -

In a last minute decision, it appears I will be having a P.E.T. scan on Monday at OHSU instead of a needle biopsy. This is because OHSU radiologists are just too nervous to perform one in the sensitive area where my lymph nodes are. According to my oncologist -- it was just to risky to go in there with a needle. Because I wasn't about to go under with general anesthesia again, I opted to go ahead and take another P.E.T. scan. My previous scan was over six months ago, last January in fact.

(photo credit: this is what a typical needle biopsy of a lymph node looks like. The needle is quite long and such a biopsy can be very painful, but does not require someone to be put asleep, it's all local anesthetics.)

The P.E.T. should give us a lot of clues according to my doctor. He said that if there indeed has been cancer activity since the first of the year, it will show it. And if it does, I am prepared to have one of not more treatments of chemotherapy. After talking with my family about it, it seems like the wisest route to go at this point. Having more surgery is at the end of my list. Even steroid treatment trumps any exploratory surgeries in my opinion.

The other ongoing issue is the amount of work I have been missing. This has been an awfully rough experience as I just took a promotion at ODOT. So far, my manager has been understanding and is aware I might be out for intermittent periods over the next few months.

Meanwhile, I find myself home alone in Salem and lonely :-( as my girlfriend and her son are off in sunny Florida at Disneyworld. There was more than one reason why I was unable to go along. Maybe next year I will be able to go.

-LB

>>><<<< BREAKING NEWS <<<<<>>>>

"OMG, WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?"

The news is in! It's not good news, nor is it bad... it's just plain confusing. After being forced to wait over an hour for my doctor, my girlfriend and I found out that there is no evidence that Lymphoma is present in my left groin. So where does that leave us? Just exactly where we were 24 hours ago. The biopsy result did say I have inflamed tissue which was causing the swelling in both my groin and leg. This we do know.

(photo credit: Oregon Health & Science University's Center for Health and Healing on the south waterfront of the Willamette River in Portland, Oregon / where I have all my appointments with my oncology medical professionals).

What's next? I was given three options:
1) Take another biopsy in my pelvic region where there are more active lymph nodes.

2) Undergo steroid treatment to bring down the swelling -- though if I did have Lymphoma -- it would eventually come back on it's own.

3) Start undergoing chemotherapy treatment on the basis that I do have Lymphoma -- an option I wasn't even going to entertain!

My doctor was leaning towards option one, but let me tell you... going in to be slit open only for a second time in less than a week didn't appeal to me. As a matter of fact, I am still quite sore from this recent biopsy, which was a very unpleasant experience.

So, I listened to option 2 once again, but the thing is, it would probably have less than desirable side effects, including diabetes risk, harmful effects to liver and kidneys, and weight gain.

This took me back to option 1 -- have a biopsy, but I asked the doc at this point "did I need to have an invasive biopsy that was going to involve full-on surgery?" I suggested a needle biopsy, and after watching him debate it in his mind for about five minutes... he agreed we could proceed with this.

The needle biopsy is going to be a difficult one, because this lymph node, just like the one I just had biopsied is quite deep and will have to be guided in by a CT scan. My last scan revealed I had "golf-ball sized" lymph nodes in my pelvic area, and some of them very active. So the object is to poke one of them and extract tissue... believe me it isn't anymore pleasant than it sounds!

So, this is what is on the agenda my friends -- a needle biopsy in my pelvic area within a week. Then, maybe just then, we will have a more solid answer on what just ales this tired exhausted soul of mine.

-LB

P.S. I plan on keeping you updated regularly from here on out -- so please keep checking in!

LATEST: Waiting is the Hardest Part

LATEST NEWS:

Following last Friday's biopsy results I await a call from my doctor. That call from the doctor's office came in today. The call came earlier than expected. The scheduling coordinator informed me that my oncologist wants to see me ASAP -- so at 1pm Wednesday I find out the results of my biopsy from last week's surgery. Originally I had an appointment with my doctor four weeks in advance, but I was told the urgency of this appointment pushed me ahead of regularly scheduled appointments on an otherwise 'jam-packed' day for my oncologist.

I should find out what type of Lymphoma lies in the lymph node they removed from my left groin.

Check back here for the latest. I'll be sure to fill you in once I find out the results.

To be all out honest, I am kind of scared and definitely nervous.

-LB

It's True

Last Friday, my suspicions were confirmed by my oncologist, I have lymphoma in my left groin. The CT confirmed it, the oncologist confirmed it, an ultrasound confirmed it, and now the lymph node will be removed this Friday in surgery.

People ask if I am scared, and my answer is "hell yeah I am scared!" Though I might be scared about going through this yet again, I am not scared that I can't pull through it. I know I have enough family, friends, and prayer going around that I will make it out of this one more time.

I'd by lying to you if I didn't tell you it made me sick to have cancer for the third time in my life. It makes me even more sick that I had it less than a year ago. I keep telling myself: I HAVE HAD BETTER REACHED MY CANCER QUOTA!

I remind myself that there are people much worse off, and people not as lucky. Knowing that, and knowing how many people out there care about me are the reason I'm going to fight another time.

The folks at ODOT are the ones who amaze me the most. They have pulled together like a family for me. My managers and coworkers are genuinely concerned for me. I have been at my new position for only a week and my new coworkers haven't gotten to know me quite yet; however, the ones at my previous position do -- and it's obvious they haven't forgotten me!

My parents will be down Thursday to be with me. Carrie will be with me as well. I am thankful for all of you who will be with me there in spirit. I could say that I'm a very unlucky guy, but I know that is really not the case.

-LB

A Major Setback

It seems as if the high I was on just recently because of my new promotion is now a distant memory. I warn you, I am feeling sorry for myself.

Just as I entered ODOT last fall, I was diagnosed with Lymphoma for a second time in my life. I had some really intense and painful radiation that made life a living hell for several weeks. I still live with pain and scars months later. I ask myself: "Shouldn't I be done with this?" No, unfortunately that is not the case. It appears I might be in for battle #3 with the big C.

Just a couple of weeks ago, I felt pain in my left groin area. I thought I had pulled a muscle from the way it felt. I have been working out on a daily basis since April, and I figured it could be a high probability that this is what happened. However, after just two weeks my leg has swollen to an enormous size and the pain is intense. Not taking any chances, I visited the ER in Stayton, Oregon recently, only to receive advice to go back to Oregon Health and Science University -- not my first choice.

After having a CT at OHSU, just a day later I found my left lymph node was at an impressive size. My regular oncologist was out of town, so I could only rely on the advice of a nurse practioner, whom I believe was just telling me the bare-bone facts as she probably chose for my regular oncologist to make the call.

Friday might be the day where I found out my fate. The oncologist is back, and at that point I will most likely have a biopsy. In the meantime, what I can tell you is that I am in a lot of pain, feeling cruddy, and dealing with a really, really swollen left leg.

The silver lining on this entire ordeal is that I am once again reminded how privilaged I am to have people who love me. My parents and girlfriend have really stepped up to the plate for me. It makes me guilty to have to put them through this, although I do know it is out of my control. I wish this wasn't the case. Additionally, many of my coworkers from my previous position at ODOT have been sending their thoughts and prayers. It's a really good feeling when my girlfriend and friends whom have only known me for months already care so much.

Thank you mom, dad, and my friends for keeping me lifted up through yet another dark time in my life.

-LB

The Big Move

After about 10 months of being with the Oregon Department of Transportation here in Salem, Oregon -- I am proud to say that I have been promoted.

I leave my current position as Technology Coordinator on August 1st and will take my new position as Project Manager & Web Developer with ITS (Intelligent Transportation Systems) of ODOT. This new position will deal mostly with the Trip Check website (www.tripcheck.com). I will be working on other projects as well. I am very excited for this opportunity, but will be sad to leave my friends at the Mill Creek Office building in Salem. The new position will be clear across town near the airport.

This all came as a surprise to me when just a couple weeks ago I was surfing the ODOT jobs page and discovered this position. Once I read into it, I instantly knew I was qualified for it and thought "what the heck...." I'd give it a shot. To my shock, I received a call for an interview by the next day. The interview took place earlier this week, and shortly after I returned to work I had found out I had pretty much been offered the position. After a day of thinking about it, I accepted the new position.

My manager was very happy and supportive of my move. Though she did say it would make her "sick" that I am leaving... and my other friends (Kelly mostly) were pouting over it. I'll also really miss the antics of Laura, Malinda, and my pal Jonathan. I do know we will remain friends, however, and not let this change effect us.

Quite honestly, I didn't know that this could happen to me -- just a small town guy running a computer business... now working for the Department of Transportation... and now already working my way up the ranks. It's a good feeling. :-)

-LB

Top Ten For Week of June 21, 2008

1. Carrie Everett
2. Jonathan Stephens
3. Michael Everett
4. Kelly R. H. Zobrist
5. Robin Ness
6. Debbie Bobbitt
7. Hannah Bobbitt
8. Tim Dunn
9. Richard Kerzan
10. Henry Salvatori

Catching Up

I find myself catching up with you all once again... a lot has happened.

Most recently, I just got out of a two day hospital stay for cellulitis. This hit me with a vengence on Sunday evening when I became extremely tired, dizzy, light-headed, and nauseated. Once I fell asleep I began to have a temperature and woke up in a sweat almost all over my body. Feeling better, I drove home to Salem from Portland where I was at with my girlfriend. I went to sleep, but felt pain in my right leg all night. Not knowing what was going on, I looked down at it in the morning discovering it was red from my waist to my knee. It was obviously infected.

I immediatly called Carrie and we went to the ER at OHSU. Shortly after seeing it, the doctors admitted me immediatly, requesting I stay the night for observation. I was put on IV antibiotics and monitored closely. It was amazing how quickly the infection had spread. I felt drained and very sick for several hours after. Finally the antibiotics kicked in, and I started feeling better.

Here is a Wikipedia explanation: Cellulitis is an inflammation of the connective tissue underlying the skin, that can be caused by a bacterial infection. Cellulitis can be caused by normal skin flora or by exogenous bacteria, and often occurs where the skin has previously been broken.

The truth is, we don't know how I got it, and when I asked one doctor that question, the response was "bad luck." Go figure, I think I've had that for 27 years.

In other news, things with my girlfriend and I have been going great now. I love spending almost everyday with her. She is a great person and I am thankful to have her in my life!

Recently, we spent Memorial Day in Joseph and I showed her around Wallowa County. Here are some pictures we took recently both then and on other outings:

Carrie, and her dog "Louie"

Me and 'Carebear' on our first coast trip to Lincoln City

We stopped by Multnomah Falls during our recent trip to Joseph

Carrie and I on our trip down the Imnaha River towards Cow Creek.

Wallowa Lake, during the clearest day over the Memorial Day weekend.

My pal Antoun, who recently moved to Eugene, and Jonathan in the background.


Dylan's last night before going in the Marines. Me, Dylan, and Thane from left to right.


Imnaha Canyon rims, what a cool looking place!

One of our best pictures together, at a rest stop ironically. Melamoose on the Columbia to be exact.

One last look at the Imnaha River Canyon!

Ok, so now you're caught up, at least for the time being. I am happy to say I am back in fairly good health and planning on keeping it that way. Oh, and one last thing, I'm losing weight from going to the gym almost everyday for an hour and a half. Good health is on the horizon, I can feel it.

-LB

Carrie

For the first time writing on my blog I am speechless... I don't know where to begin with this... so I will just start somewhere random I suppose.

I can't really say I just met this person..., in fact I've known her for about 7 months now. But what I can say is that I've only recently gotten to know her well.

It all started about two or three months ago, I met her in person for the first time. She started off as a coworker that I talked on the phone to and e-mailed often -- but only for business reasons. Then, she came over to the building I work in, and from then I was hooked.

The first day I saw her I felt like I had known her for a long time. We just "clicked" from day one. We are both very sarcastic, fun-loving, goofy people.

Let me introduce to you Carrie Everett, the girl who I really like, a lot.

She laughs at every stupid thing that comes out of my mouth, makes me feel better when I whine. She makes me very happy. Happy in a way I've never felt before.

It's the icing on the cake after all that I've been through, that I'd be lucky enough to have someone this cool in my life. I am thankful for you, Carrie.

-LB

Top Ten For Week of May 10, 2008

1. Carrie Everett
2. Antoun Kehdi
3. Jonathan Stephens
4. Debbie Bobbitt
5. Carl Bobbitt
6. Robin Ness
7. Kelly Zobrist
8. Hannah Bobbitt
9. Dylan Lewis
10. Thane Shetler
    

The Good Pain

For the past weeks and months you've listened to me bicker and complain about my battle with cancer, pain, and narcotic dependency as a result. Well, no more -- a new era is beginning. For the first time in years I am taking steps in the right direction for my health. I have my friends Jonathan Stephens and Antoun Kehdi to thank.

Last week I joined a gym. If you would have asked me a year ago if I'd consider that notion, I'd probably laugh in your face. But, no, this is not a joke. I began a cardio workout for about 45 minutes a day effective last week. This week the regimen got much harder with upper and lower body weight lifting, followed by a cardio workout totalling an hour and a half per day working out. I've been following the recommendations of Jonathan, who has plenty of background with weight lifting and workouts. I'm already feeling the muscle pain, but this is a good pain -- a pain that I'm working to achieve because it means better days ahead.

It is as if the switch was flipped last week. I'm feeling more outgoing and happy since being off the medication. But more notably, I've been pain-free for a couple weeks now. With the cancer and narcotics becoming a distant memory, my life is starting to feel like it is on track.

I also want to mention some great people that I've been getting to know better at work. I met Jonathan and Antoun right off the bat when I came to work at ODOT six months ago, but more recently I've made some new friends as well. First, I'd like to mention Kelly. Oh my God... ! She is an interesting gal. She usually has something interesting, funny, and/or warped to say. Recently, she drew a bunny farting hearts on the window of my cube at work. That was a topic of discussion for several days! It is strangely weird, as she reminds me of my friend Erin Melville from Wallowa County. They could be sisters... very similar personalities! Next, I've gotten to know Malinda better lately... though she doesn't have the same personality as someone I know from back home -- even more spooky she looks IDENTICAL to my friend Alyse from Enterprise. It's totally crazy. I might be living in the bizzaro world here in Salem. More on that later...

-LB

Hope

It actually happened. I survived. I stepped out of the vicious circle. I'm not a hero. I'm not a victim. I am simply a survivor.

What I am referring to is my dependence, which admittedly, I could now describe as sometimes borderline addiction to narcotics. For over seven months I needed them to survive or at least function normally. Not anymore.

Last Saturday I woke up some 48 hours after taking my last oxycontin feeling as if I was seeing the world in high-definition. That is the only way I can describe it. I could see colors, feel things, and smell like never before... but maybe I just forgot?

For seven long months, I felt fuzzy, sweaty, constipated (yes, that is what these drugs do to you), and most odd of all, swollen. I found out as soon as I went off that they were making me retain water... how crazy is that? I immediately lost pound after pound of water, seeing my body shrink almost overnight. But, let's not get too excited -- I didn't get skinny, just less fat.

Oh, but coming off this medication didn't come without a lot of pain and discomfort. The first few days were total hell. I was hot, then cold, then depressed, then cold and depressed. Tired, but not able to sleep. Much of it felt as if I had influenza. Even a week later, I still feel anxiety and inconsistent energy. Though, what I can tell you most about the energy is that I am having trouble sleeping whereas before I couldn't stay awake.

Despite all of that, I am starting to feel good again. My mental health is improving more importantly. It as if I have finally woken up from this horrible nightmare which has easily been the worst seven months of my life.

It's nice to be back, I've missed you.

-LB

The Missed Wedding

A big congrats to my cousin JP and his new wife Amy on their marriage today, April 5, 2008.

I couldn't be there for a variety of reasons... most due to the fact I do not have any vacation time available to me yet. But the good news is in less than 30 days I will become a permanent State of Oregon employee!

In this dreaded previous seven months I have used any and all days available to me and then some. I have missed the better part of a month collectively because of my illness and my sister's wedding.

However, moving on... I think this is the last major event that I will have to miss for quite some time because I am healing, improving, and gaining ground by the day. But, boy, it would have been great to see my cousin get married in Hawaii! They did have it 'stream' over the internet, but unfortunately it was full of some technical glitches, and I only saw a small part (at least the second part of the ceremony).

Speaking of weddings... for those of you reading -- I will be working on those over the next several weeks. I have four weddings that need to be edited and burnt to DVD that I filmed last summer, and I have appreciated everyone's patience.

Vacation days are coming. Getting paid while not being at work... hmmmmm -- HOW COOL!

-LB

Top Ten For Week of April 5, 2008

1. Jonathan Stephens
2. Antoun Kehdi
3. Debbie Bobbitt
4. Carl Bobbitt
5. Michele Sawin
6. Robin Ness
7. Tim Dunn
8. Linda Barrett Courtney
9. Christian Ambroson
10. Dylan Lewis
    

Getting Back On Track

If you haven't noticed, I've been lying low lately. This, being my first blog entry in almost a month, and only the second of the year (sorry). Things haven't been good... there's no sense in making stuff up... I haven't been good. 2007 was an interesting year that brought on a lot of change, and I think 2008 is going to be a year of rebuilding and rehealing -- and a year of new experiences both unpleasant and pleasant.

First of all, to explain my last blog entry... I've had quite an ordeal with the narcotic pain medication. I want to explain that I am NOT addicted, but rather I am dependent. I actually become ill when I come off the pain meds. I get physically and mentally sick. My folks would be the first to tell you, as they are usually the first phone call I make when I'm "crashing." Teary-eyed and depressed, I tell them I feel the world is ending, or at least mine that is. The truth is, it's really not -- my parents explain this to me. The thing is, I keep telling myself it's just the medication, but no matter what my mind plays powerful tricks because of the withdrawal. So, me being the inquiring mind, asked my dad the other day "why didn't I have this feeling the first time I had cancer and pain medication?" Evidentially I didn't have much of any pain medication except before the chemotherapy, and once I was on the chemo, the pain meds were not a part of my regimen. This time, on the other hand, it was very necessary that I have pain medication to function even half way normally. You see, I was being burnt alive, which is nothing short of the truth due to the overdose of radiation I underwent last fall.

Now, I'm facing a new battle, nerve damage in my right foot. As the battle of the narcotics is winding down, I face a new fight, and that is horrific pain in my foot due to scar tissue that is apparently putting pressure on my nerve endings. I'm on a new medication now for that... more importantly -- it's non-narcotic. So, a new battle begins, but I am definitely seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I take one day at a time, remembering the people who love me, and not thinking about the people who don't.

On a lighter note, things at ODOT couldn't be better. I still very much love the job, and DO NOT miss anything about my old business. I miss my family and close friends in Joseph, but not the stress I was experiencing, especially in the latter half of last year. This was the stress that brought on my cancer, I am convinced.

I am even finding out I have some pretty good friends down here. Hanging out with my friend Michele from McMinnville has been keeping me in good spirits. My pals Jonathan and Antoun have been proving to be true assets in my 'new life' here in Salem as well. Once all of this medical stuff is behind me, I will lean on everyone a lot less and let them do some more leaning on me.

But enough of this mushy stuff. I'm taking my mom's advice, and keeping my 'chin up.' :-)

-LB

The Dependence

I write tonight in a totally different focus, one of positive thoughts and a hopeful future. This is something a week ago tonight, I could tell you was very different, in fact it was bleak.

Over the past six months I have been treated for pain as a result of my Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma which reappeared on my right foot last summer. Through radiation this past fall, a lot of healing, and a lot of rest, I can now tell you I am cancer free once again in my life. It should be normally be a time for celebration but it has actually been a time of depression. Recently, I went off the pain medication, because I no longer had pain... but what I didn't realize is... I had a dependence. It was like I had been day dreaming for the past six months and then woke up to a cold cruel reality -- or at least that is what I thought it was. However, it was not, it was a huge ugly depression which set in as my body was looking for the pain medication. I spent day after day sleeping, thinking the world was a terrible place -- in fact one thought of how life wasn't even worth living anymore. No, not taking my own life, but definitely found myself evaluating why I was even living. I knew this was because of the withdrawals, but no matter how many times I told myself it was because of that and only that, I felt like I was at rock bottom. Symptoms like sweating, trembling, and feeling cold were very common for me. After talking to my family, I knew I had to seek help, and that I did this past Tuesday where I met my new physician in Stayton, Oregon. Recommended to me by my friend Linda, this doc was incredibly thorough and caring about the situation and helped me develop a plan to rid myself of this awful dependence. It involves putting me back on a "trickle" of what I was on for the pain medication along with another prescription.

Also notably, I was kept "afloat" during my downtime by phone calls to my family and my local Salem friends.

I can tell you now here at the end of the week I am a new man, and oddly enough I am happier than I've been since before becoming ill with the cancer. I don't think I've felt this good for a couple of years. I feel renewed and very hopeful of my outlook.

One thing I've learned from all this, how powerful drugs can be, and how I don't want to be dependent on them. Here's to the happier and wonderful days ahead :-)

-LB

The Top Ten of 2007

Hello everyone,

It's that time again, or past that time (really). It's time for The Top Ten People of the Year. Just like I've told you over years past, this is unlike no regular list. This is a list of people I feel are deserving of some recognition, simply for who they are. They have impacted my life to the greatest extent during the year. I try to keep things mixed up year after year, and though possible, it is normally rare for the same exact people to be seen on the list every year.

This is the absolute latest I've ever waited to release the list. You know as the saying goes "life happens." That is exactly what has happened. After battling cancer yet again in my life this past fall, it has been a long time coming catching up on many of my day to day things, and truthfully, that is what I've been doing since the first of the year. The blog, and many of my other pastimes have had to take the backseat as I catch up on things like websites and my social life.

However, it's now time once again to honor the most important people in my life from the past year. I must say that just because a person isn't on my list, doesn't mean they aren't important to me, but chances are a person on this year's list made enough of a "splash" in my life to be worth recognizing, and shaping who I am, and who I'll becoming. So with out further, a-due, here is this year's TOP TEN PEOPLE!

#10 ~ ELIZABETH DEBOIE

Undoubtedly, a year ago I didn't even hardly know who Elizabeth DeBoie was -- except for the nice lady who more or managed our local grocery store in Joseph. Every time I went in there she was working hard.

My business, LB Productions was yet again going through growing pains, and we had recently lost an employee. This is when Elizabeth came forward and asked if I was looking for someone. I told her that I was, and ironically within a few weeks she had resigned from her post over at the store (for unrelated reasons), this is when I made the call. Shortly after coming to work for me I knew how valuable and hard working of an employee she was. She turned out to be one of the most loyal people I had ever had the pleasure of working for me.

Just months after Elizabeth came to work for my business, I was looking for a huge life change. Even as the news came down I was job hunting in the Willamette Valley, Elizabeth did not scare. She stayed working for me and told me as I recall "I'll keep working for you Levi, as long as you are here." The words were both surprising and relieving to hear.

Just a couple months later a job offer came in, and I was telling my employees the news. This is when I received another offer, an offer from Elizabeth herself, that she and her husband had a desire to purchase my business from me upon my departure. I was shocked.

Elizabeth is someone I have deep respect for. She stayed even as unsettling news came, and then decided to take the very risk on her own, to run a business that could both be profitable and a huge stress. She took on a lot, and it was something I was very up front to her about... but as she has now been at the helm for several months now, she has learned quickly, becoming a self-taught expert; like myself just over a decade ago. This made me proud of her and proud to know her.


#9 ~ KYLE HOOK

Kyle is an interesting guy, as he has a lot of "isms" that are kind of hard to figure out. This guy has been my friend for over 7 years now. Prior to that I wasn't a big fan of him, as I've told you before.

This year was a rather interesting one for Kyle and I. An underlying pressure was building on our friendship in the summer of 2007. It was not a good thing, and finally came to blows one summer evening after we got off from wakeboarding on the lake. It broke out into a huge argument and turned completely ugly. Without sharing any further personal details, it was involving a mutual friend and I didn't feel he treated this friend respectfully. But to this day, I realize that it wasn't necessarily my business.

Though I defend all of my friends, I realize that I can overstep my bounds sometimes. Kyle and I have since mended over this. This huge bump in our friendship has only strengthened it. Now we are as close as ever, even with me living across the state.

Kyle is a fun guy to be around. He says the funniest things. He's a major goofball. This is why I like him. Next time you see Kyle, ask him about the Sirius Satellite Radio telephone operator we had fun with :-)




#8 ~ MICHELE SAWIN

Michele has been my friend for nearly ten years now, but this is her first appearance on The Top Ten People list. I've been doing this list for ten years now, so it was about time.

Michele is a very sweet person. She will go out of her way to help out a fellow human being. I am eternally grateful for what she did for me this past fall. I recently had moved to Salem, and with the discovery of my cancer, I had to start radiation treatments. With the medication and treatments, I was in a deteriorating condition to be driving from Salem to Portland everyday for treatment. This is when Michele stepped in... and in a big way she did.

Michele was there for me when I needed someone the most. Her sister Virginia proved to be a big help as well along the way.

Even when days seemed grim, Michele was there to pick me up and take me to Portland. She kept me laughing when I needed a good laugh. She kept me smiling when I needed to be happy. She made a lot of my dark days much, much brighter. Thank you, Michele.


#7 ~ AMY KYLE-PERCY

My fellow cancer survivor, Amy Kyle-Percy has been an inspiration to me this past year. She was always a person I could call up to and complain about life. She always had a smiling face when I'd go see her on one of my many trips to the valley during my job hunt. In a way, I am thankful I did so much traveling this year, because I got to see people like her, more.

Amy has been an instrumental person in my life to lean on during my recent (and hopefully the last) battle with the big 'C.; She understands what the dark days are. In fact, she's had some dark days herself, and with encouragement, she has been able to pull ahead too.

Amy is total proof that this horrible disease can be beaten, and that life can go on. I am very happy to know her, she is a great lift to my attitude when I'm down.

I suggest we all look in our own lives to our "Amys" when things have us down. You don't have to look any further than this human being to have your spirit lifted.


#6 ~ THANE SHETLER

The middle child syndrome. Thane is a classic example of this. Looking for acceptance, looking for someone to pay attention to the things he does. Thane has made some mistakes in his life.

But guess what? He's proven everyone wrong and completely rebounded from being in a horrible situation. Yeah, the kid made mistakes, but he shouldn't have to pay the rest of his life, nor should he be labeled a "troubled kid." Truthfully, Thane is now one of the most grounded human beings that I know. He and I have bonded in the past year more deeper than ever. As Thane was telling me about being on drugs, he broke down. The guy felt terrible for the mistakes he had made. Then I broke down. I'll never forget that conversation. He and I knew we had each other as friends to get through no matter what.

He's come a long way... and now it looks like he's going an even longer way... physically that is. He's thinking of moving from Portland to New York. Such a notion is terrorizing to me as he is one of the few people I have around that is familiar to me since I've moved from Joseph to the Willamette Valley. But I will support him no matter what. I just want him to be happy and I know he'd want the same for me.

When I know the odds aren't good, all I have to do is look at my friend Thane to know that I can turn things around no matter how horrible of a hand life has dealt.

Additionally, if his inspiration isn't enough, Thane is incredibly hilarious and ALWAYS fun to be around. Even when he's in a bad mood, he's entertaining. Thane, thank you for letting me share your downfalls and your triumphant rebound. We all can learn from you.




#5 ~ ALYSE FISCHER

She actually gives a damn. She's as sweet as sugar too. In fact, she's too sweet sometimes. She's almost cares too much for fellow human beings. There aren't many people like Alyse around anymore. I personally learned of her undying passion to care about her family and friends when she started dating my best friend Sterling.

Since being a HUGE part of Sterling's life, she's become a very important part of my life. She's all about details. She will remember the things you care about -- even the small things. I recall the summer that she defended me, when someone was treating me terribly. She's also good at pointing out a person's flaws and positive aspects. When you're in her corner, you can expect to be showered with compliments and kindness.

One classic example is her making me a birthday cake every year, or giving me an easter basket. I mean who would care enough to do that? Alyse would.

Her dedication to those she loves is unsurpassed. Alyse, thank you for going the extra effort and lifting me up; and for goodness sakes, take some time for yourself!















#4 ~ CHRISTIAN AMBROSON

Christian has been my friend for over 7 years now, and my best friend for the last 3 years. He's been on my Top Ten People of the Year for the past three years. I can't say enough about this guy. He's the man!

Christian Ambroson is one of the most caring people I know. It is those types of qualities that I look for in a friend, and since almost day one, I knew we shared a lot in common. One thing in particular, he and I shared a lot of the same hobbies from early on as I didn't do a lot of the "small town things," and he was from Lake Oswego. Just as an example, it seemed all of my Joseph friends would go hunting, and I swear Christian and I were the only people in town who didn't hunt. It was things like that, a lot of little things like that.

In 2005, Christian and I lost a close mutual friend. In such a dark time, Christian and I grieved together, ironically further bonding us as friends. At the time Christian was in an exchange program in Austria during his second year of college. As you can imagine being thousands of miles away while losing such a close friend was not an easy thing to go through. But we got through it, together.

This year, we took a cross country road trip together. It was both exciting and completely boring at times. But you ever wonder what makes a good friendship? The fact that you can sit in a car with someone when you are completely bored off your ass! You start talking to yourself and saying weird things -- you instantly become more comfortable with the other person. And that I did with Mr. Ambroson.

Christian is truly one of a kind, and it is my absolute privilege to call him my best friend. He's one of few people on this earth I have no problem telling them that I love, as he says the same to me. We share a bond like brothers, we care about each other like family. Christian, I love you man; take care and see you on our next adventure!










#3 ~ JONATHAN STEPHENS

It seems a very fitting time to talk about this next person. Not since I met my best friend Christian Ambroson have a met someone so similar. He too, also from the Portland area. Jonathan Stephens has quickly become one of my best friends. I'd even venture to go out on a limb and say within the top five.

Frankly, I don't even know where to start. It's hard to wrap my mind around this guy. But what I can tell you is that I do really like this kid. He's got the best friend qualities written all over him. He's funny, caring, smart, honest, and just plain cool.

The 'J Dawg' and I met shortly after I started my new career at ODOT. It's quite funny, but the first day at work I saw him and had a feeling that I'd soon get to know him. My inkling was right on, Jonathan introduced himself to me a couple days later. Things quickly got stranger as we virtually started finishing each other sentences or thinking almost the same thoughts quite frequently. He's a GIS Technician for ODOT, and works just a couple cubicles away. Now entering my fourth month of working for ODOT, it seems like I've know Jonathan for almost two years -- simply because we see each other everyday almost all day. Then, if that isn't enough we often hang out in the evenings together.

Another great thing is that Jonathan introduced me to another really cool guy named Antoun Kehdi. He too is originally from Portland. We all can be found daily hanging out both by day and evening. We probably see each other more often than anything else.

Jonathan is perfect representation of my new life. I anticipated that it could take six months to a year before I made some good friends to even come close to the caliber of my Joseph friends. Jonathan and later Antoun proved that wrong.

Whether it be our geeky nerdy conversation about upcoming technology or one of our many observations about people who work in section of ODOT (which shall go nameless), the J Dawg and I are strikingly a lot a like... though I am a much fatter version. Haaah! Thanks buddy for being who you are and someone I can look forward to hanging out with each day. And who knew by pure fluke we'd have so much in common, but there are reasons for everything I suppose.

#2 ~ STERLING SHETLER

My best friend. No wait, Christian is my best friend. Uhh... wait a second, so is Sterling. Okay, I come clean -- I have two best friends. They are TIED as my BFF's.

Again, I've known Sterling as long as I've known Christian. For at least two years, Sterling has been my best friend. It's funny, because I call Jonathan "Sterling 2." The reason why, Jonathan is the Sterling equivalent to my original friend from Joseph.

Sterling is probably one of the most loyal, funny, cruel, and honest people I know. He's a real hard ass, but actually has a heart of gold, truthfully. He's Thane's brother (earlier on the list). They are nothing a like, not for a second. But they are both true individuals, and you like them the same for their unique personalities.

So you see, Sterling and I became close during the massive exodus of friends that left Joseph for college and other places. We both didn't really care for the Joseph bar scene, and were perfectly content just hanging out. That we share in common -- we both share the quality of being reclusive.

And by far, the largest admirable quality of Sterling is the fact that he doesn't care what others think. He conducts life the way he wants and doesn't let anyone influence him but himself. Though many times he's influenced my life -- that doesn't bother him. He can influence you, but don't even try to get him to be a certain way. It just isn't going to happen. That's why I love this guy.

Beyond my family, he's the person I miss the most from Joseph. I even tear up at this moment recalling our good times. But I know I won't be a stranger and neither will he just because we are in two different places.

Sterling isn't an overly emotional guy either, at least he's not going to let you know about it. But I found out that the guy truthfully does have feelings. I know he was pretty upset when he learned I was moving. He'd never come out and tell me, but his girlfriend did -- and it's moments like that which make me realize that even though he doesn't show it, the kid really considers me his best friend too. No matter where we're at Sterling, I hope we remain BFF.

AND NOW THE MOMENT YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR....










THIS YEAR'S NUMBER ONE










THE MOST INFLUENTIAL, MOST IMPACTING PERSON









THE #1 PERSON OF 2007.......

#1 ~ MELISSA NEWHOUSE

Two years ago I didn't even know who Melissa Newhouse was. But then, my life changed forever. I met her as she was dating one of my friends. Then, last summer she moved in for the summer and our bond was unbreakable ever since.

I can tell you right now, without a doubt, I wouldn't be living in Salem, Oregon if it wasn't for Melissa. She was absolutely instrumental in pushing me (literally) to make this move. It all started one warm July evening when I told her of my aspirations to move west. Her first reaction was "why do you want to do that?" When I told her I felt that I had been living in a rut for years, she could immediately relate it to her own life, and within days and weeks she was sending me the strongest encouragement I had ever seen. You see, I had been contemplating on moving for nearly 5 years, but for some reason as things got closer to an actual move, I always had an excuse to back out. Not this time, she was the one who finally pushed me over that edge.

She helped me realize that I was young, and this was the time to do something like this. We had many, many deep conversations and finally she came to almost threatening me if I didn't do what my heart was telling me. So it was set, I was to move to the Willamette Valley, and the job search became full blown over the period of several weeks in July and August, when one August afternoon I received a call from the woman who is now my supervisor that I had gotten a job, one of my top picks in fact, with the Oregon Department of Transportation.

Most of my job hunt was centered in the Portland area, and very few were south in Salem, but for some reason life brought me to Salem. As a result I wouldn't be here talking to you about people like Jonathan or Antoun. They wouldn't exist in my life. If it wasn't for Melissa I would still be living in Joseph, in my rut, probably forever. But this girl had enough pep and vinager (I think that's how the saying goes), to push me to the point to make a huge life change. One that was both scary and absolutely exciting.

But you know what else? Melissa was a great friend, an absolute gem to have around. Her and I hung out like old friends all summer long and I won't ever forget our good times. I recall our midnight trips to Wal Mart in La Grande. We would drive all night and have the best time talking and hitting that discount store at all hours. No it wasn't about the prices or shopping... it was about the experience! The bonding as friends. A bond that grew into a true friendship. Melissa, people even ask me to this day if I have regrets over making this desicion, and my response is "yeah, that I didn't do it sooner." I thank you for enriching my life and allowing me to get out of a completely toxic situation. You're the reason I now enjoy life... THANK YOU! I hope you now why you've been chosen as my TOP PERSON FOR 2007!