The Good Pain

For the past weeks and months you've listened to me bicker and complain about my battle with cancer, pain, and narcotic dependency as a result. Well, no more -- a new era is beginning. For the first time in years I am taking steps in the right direction for my health. I have my friends Jonathan Stephens and Antoun Kehdi to thank.

Last week I joined a gym. If you would have asked me a year ago if I'd consider that notion, I'd probably laugh in your face. But, no, this is not a joke. I began a cardio workout for about 45 minutes a day effective last week. This week the regimen got much harder with upper and lower body weight lifting, followed by a cardio workout totalling an hour and a half per day working out. I've been following the recommendations of Jonathan, who has plenty of background with weight lifting and workouts. I'm already feeling the muscle pain, but this is a good pain -- a pain that I'm working to achieve because it means better days ahead.

It is as if the switch was flipped last week. I'm feeling more outgoing and happy since being off the medication. But more notably, I've been pain-free for a couple weeks now. With the cancer and narcotics becoming a distant memory, my life is starting to feel like it is on track.

I also want to mention some great people that I've been getting to know better at work. I met Jonathan and Antoun right off the bat when I came to work at ODOT six months ago, but more recently I've made some new friends as well. First, I'd like to mention Kelly. Oh my God... ! She is an interesting gal. She usually has something interesting, funny, and/or warped to say. Recently, she drew a bunny farting hearts on the window of my cube at work. That was a topic of discussion for several days! It is strangely weird, as she reminds me of my friend Erin Melville from Wallowa County. They could be sisters... very similar personalities! Next, I've gotten to know Malinda better lately... though she doesn't have the same personality as someone I know from back home -- even more spooky she looks IDENTICAL to my friend Alyse from Enterprise. It's totally crazy. I might be living in the bizzaro world here in Salem. More on that later...

-LB

Hope

It actually happened. I survived. I stepped out of the vicious circle. I'm not a hero. I'm not a victim. I am simply a survivor.

What I am referring to is my dependence, which admittedly, I could now describe as sometimes borderline addiction to narcotics. For over seven months I needed them to survive or at least function normally. Not anymore.

Last Saturday I woke up some 48 hours after taking my last oxycontin feeling as if I was seeing the world in high-definition. That is the only way I can describe it. I could see colors, feel things, and smell like never before... but maybe I just forgot?

For seven long months, I felt fuzzy, sweaty, constipated (yes, that is what these drugs do to you), and most odd of all, swollen. I found out as soon as I went off that they were making me retain water... how crazy is that? I immediately lost pound after pound of water, seeing my body shrink almost overnight. But, let's not get too excited -- I didn't get skinny, just less fat.

Oh, but coming off this medication didn't come without a lot of pain and discomfort. The first few days were total hell. I was hot, then cold, then depressed, then cold and depressed. Tired, but not able to sleep. Much of it felt as if I had influenza. Even a week later, I still feel anxiety and inconsistent energy. Though, what I can tell you most about the energy is that I am having trouble sleeping whereas before I couldn't stay awake.

Despite all of that, I am starting to feel good again. My mental health is improving more importantly. It as if I have finally woken up from this horrible nightmare which has easily been the worst seven months of my life.

It's nice to be back, I've missed you.

-LB

The Missed Wedding

A big congrats to my cousin JP and his new wife Amy on their marriage today, April 5, 2008.

I couldn't be there for a variety of reasons... most due to the fact I do not have any vacation time available to me yet. But the good news is in less than 30 days I will become a permanent State of Oregon employee!

In this dreaded previous seven months I have used any and all days available to me and then some. I have missed the better part of a month collectively because of my illness and my sister's wedding.

However, moving on... I think this is the last major event that I will have to miss for quite some time because I am healing, improving, and gaining ground by the day. But, boy, it would have been great to see my cousin get married in Hawaii! They did have it 'stream' over the internet, but unfortunately it was full of some technical glitches, and I only saw a small part (at least the second part of the ceremony).

Speaking of weddings... for those of you reading -- I will be working on those over the next several weeks. I have four weddings that need to be edited and burnt to DVD that I filmed last summer, and I have appreciated everyone's patience.

Vacation days are coming. Getting paid while not being at work... hmmmmm -- HOW COOL!

-LB

Top Ten For Week of April 5, 2008

1. Jonathan Stephens
2. Antoun Kehdi
3. Debbie Bobbitt
4. Carl Bobbitt
5. Michele Sawin
6. Robin Ness
7. Tim Dunn
8. Linda Barrett Courtney
9. Christian Ambroson
10. Dylan Lewis