Getting Back On Track

If you haven't noticed, I've been lying low lately. This, being my first blog entry in almost a month, and only the second of the year (sorry). Things haven't been good... there's no sense in making stuff up... I haven't been good. 2007 was an interesting year that brought on a lot of change, and I think 2008 is going to be a year of rebuilding and rehealing -- and a year of new experiences both unpleasant and pleasant.

First of all, to explain my last blog entry... I've had quite an ordeal with the narcotic pain medication. I want to explain that I am NOT addicted, but rather I am dependent. I actually become ill when I come off the pain meds. I get physically and mentally sick. My folks would be the first to tell you, as they are usually the first phone call I make when I'm "crashing." Teary-eyed and depressed, I tell them I feel the world is ending, or at least mine that is. The truth is, it's really not -- my parents explain this to me. The thing is, I keep telling myself it's just the medication, but no matter what my mind plays powerful tricks because of the withdrawal. So, me being the inquiring mind, asked my dad the other day "why didn't I have this feeling the first time I had cancer and pain medication?" Evidentially I didn't have much of any pain medication except before the chemotherapy, and once I was on the chemo, the pain meds were not a part of my regimen. This time, on the other hand, it was very necessary that I have pain medication to function even half way normally. You see, I was being burnt alive, which is nothing short of the truth due to the overdose of radiation I underwent last fall.

Now, I'm facing a new battle, nerve damage in my right foot. As the battle of the narcotics is winding down, I face a new fight, and that is horrific pain in my foot due to scar tissue that is apparently putting pressure on my nerve endings. I'm on a new medication now for that... more importantly -- it's non-narcotic. So, a new battle begins, but I am definitely seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I take one day at a time, remembering the people who love me, and not thinking about the people who don't.

On a lighter note, things at ODOT couldn't be better. I still very much love the job, and DO NOT miss anything about my old business. I miss my family and close friends in Joseph, but not the stress I was experiencing, especially in the latter half of last year. This was the stress that brought on my cancer, I am convinced.

I am even finding out I have some pretty good friends down here. Hanging out with my friend Michele from McMinnville has been keeping me in good spirits. My pals Jonathan and Antoun have been proving to be true assets in my 'new life' here in Salem as well. Once all of this medical stuff is behind me, I will lean on everyone a lot less and let them do some more leaning on me.

But enough of this mushy stuff. I'm taking my mom's advice, and keeping my 'chin up.' :-)

-LB