Dealing With The Pain

People often ask me "how's your pain?" and my reaction is inevitably "terrible." Fortunately, with modern medicine, dealing with cancer pain isn't what it use to be. I am under a variety of medications to keep me out of the pain zone. Some evenings I have unbearable pain, and for some reason the medication won't touch it. For the most part, however, my pain can be taken away with medication.

I had an incident with a loved one this weekend that I found no pain medication could touch. No pain med could take away the sadness I was feeling. This person is someone I love very much, and it is because of that love, the words said to me were all that much harder to take.

I am not asking anyone to feel sorry for me or to expect to have to wait on me because of what I'm going through. I would not expect anymore attention as a result of going through this horrible disease. I also expect friends and family to be honest with me always. I would not wish what I'm going through on anyone, not even an enemy. I don't want things to be different because of what I'm going through, but it seems no matter how hard I try, they are. I do know that even with the pain I've endured both physically, mentally, and emotionally, I will come out of this a stronger person.

I guess the only thing I ask of my family and friends are to take it easy on me. I am going through some pretty rough times -- but also some very exciting times in my life as well. It is a time of change, both unwelcome and welcome.

Sometimes words hurt more than physical pain. Physical wounds can heal quickly, as emotional ones can take much longer. Be careful what you say, because band aids and medication won't heal emotional wounds any faster, this is something only time can take care of. No matter how deep the emotional wound may be, no matter how much you may dislike your family and friends at times, in the end, you will always love them.

-LB