What A Pain

It's been almost a week now since my first chemo treatment (sorry for the slowness in my update). Fortunately, I didn't have any immediate reaction to the treatment, which consists of the chemo drug Gemcitabine -- often used for pancreatic, lung, and resistant types of Lymphoma.

Now with about a week behind me, I am seeing some side effects. For one, even the slightest warm water touching my skin in certain places feels like acid. The pain is unbearable. I've even been warned that too much contact of hot water can make the skin slough off. So, as you can imagine I'm being careful. But with that being said, that is one of very few side effects.

The main problem: swelling, which seems to be associated with an allergic reaction to pain medication I'm taking. It's either morphine or oxycodone, or both. The swelling in combination with the chemo treatment has made life miserable for almost a week now. My sleep has been little or irregular, there has been lymph fluid oozing in places I don't care to discuss (and believe me, that feels like acid too.) With the swelling, breathing has been very difficult -- I am homebound most of the time and haven't been to work for almost 10 days. Thankfully, I have generous fellow ODOT employees who have been most kind in donating comp time towards my leave.

I do not believe it's just one thing causing my one miserable condition -- it's a combination of things interacting together causing my mysery, and if I could just take out the most irritating variable from the equation, I know I could feel better. Nonetheless, I will say, upon waking up today, I felt better. I am not sure what the difference was, but I've been taking different doses of medication in hopes of relief. It might be helping. Regardless, these are baby steps, but still steps.

I have been fortunate to have my friend Thane around while going through some of this. He hasn't found a place to live yet as a college student, so he is staying here until that happens. This has been a very good thing for me. My friend Michele has also been very instramental in support during my "needy" time. She has gone out of her way to offer support and take care of things when needed. She also is checking up on me all the time to make sure I am alive :-) For that I am very appreciative.

There isn't a lot of good news right now, but I will focus on one positive, and that is I have a lot of support and that there is light at the end of this tunnel. I know this, and I know though it will take time, it won't take forever.

The next chemotherapy treatment is Thursday at 3:45, I will try to give you a much better, timlier, and more positive update as I endure more pain and drugs to save my life.

-LB

Chemo Starting Soon

Hello everyone! I am writing because after a long wait, I will finally start treatments this week. I am actually strangely excited to start because it means a new fresh start. The lymph nodes in my pelvic region have been causing me pain for sometime, and the thought of shrinking them back to normal is a relief. I received my schedule Monday after visiting with my new Salem Oncologist Dr. Strother. He is working with my OHSU oncologist on my treatment plan.

I would also like to thank everyone for their thoughts and prayers over these past few weeks. It seems as if I have an entire network of 'prayer,' which I know has helped immensely.

Not to worry, I will keep everyone posted here on how I handle my first treatment. Naturally, I plan to be off Thursday and Friday of this week to undergo the treatment and rest following it.

Going through this a third time in my life gives me new perspective, as I know there are others out there who have endured the same if not worse than I, and I am just thankful for the fact that I have a fighting chance for my friends and family!

-LB

The Little Levi 501 Bobbitt

I was inspired to write this blog tonight, by the Carper Family from Anchor Point, Alaska.

Unfortunately, at the age of 28, I've learned all too quickly of what that chalky, sawdust-like taste of the "breakfast routine" tastes like. I'm not a stranger to it, either -- in fact I learned at the age of 17. Though, I was lucky enough to bounce out of that by the time I was 18. I lucked out... until now that is.

The thought of my existence consisting of a white (so lightly blonde) haired little boy who was innocent once long ago, prior to this cancer experience brought tears to my eyes. I'll never experience that care-free feeling again. But that is all part of life, right?

With the most regret, I hate to say, I could have prevented this latest bout with cancer. If I had only listened to my mother and ate better. If I had only listened to my friends and went out and had more fun. If I had only listened to myself... I would have not let the business I called LB Productions hit me so close to home... I could have escaped. But I didn't, and I let it sink, sink so deep that I kept moving forward. The thinking was is that I'd move so far I could become more successful and provide jobs in the community. But what did I do? I ran myself into the ground. I listened when I should have listened to myself. I let everyone and everything that walked through my door walk into my soul. I am learning and I have learned. Life, the stress -- it's all not worth it. I was given offers of 'opportunity' and I was told not to refuse. I should have. I was only struck deeper. Finally after all of this, right on the cusp of becoming ill again, I listened, to myself, for once. On a hot August evening I listened to my roommate and ultimately my soul. I made a move that would turn things upside down. It was a quick and miscalculated move. A move that I'm finally digging out of--one that I am learning from. I feel as if I am working back to when I was that little white-haired boy. I don't want to have worries any longer. As an adult, I will have them, always, but I no longer want the big worries, like cancer, money and God knows what else.

Thanks to the Carpers, my friends, and my family for helping me move forward, even if technically it means I'm moving backward.

-LB

P.S. Carpers: you know all too well about the sawdusty pill taste, I think you better follow me back to the worry-free days of childhood :-)

Fatigue

Hi everyone, welcome to my blog. I hope you find it fascinating, funny, and sometimes just a little bit off the hook. Mostly, it's about my trial through life. But it's sometimes just silly little stories and goof-ball antics of my friends and I. The reason I'm giving you a briefing on what what my blog is all about is because I've added a few NEW members to my mailing list. One, is a fellow cancer survivor who went through the horrible ordeal the exact same time I did. I remember running into her in Walla Walla a few times during treatments. She's a very cool and loving human being who has become a hero of mine. The other two members I've added are a husband and wife of my best friend. They've been good close friends of mine and have kept me lifted in times when I needed it the most. I wanted to share what I've been going through with them.

I also want my blog to be an open discussion area. If any of you wish to share something, please send it on and I will be happy to post. Plus, you are ALWAYS welcome to click on the comment button below the post to share your thoughts. Additionally, if any of you ever become annoyed, gratified, or wish to add or withdraw from my list, just send me an e-mail, okay? No hard feelings either way! :) Take care.

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(PHOTO CREDIT: My parent's house... the west side is being repainted and bushes being trimmed. The bushes don't look that pretty right now as they have been trimmed way back.)

This cancer is finally starting to show it's ugly side. For the past couple weeks now (at least) I have been suffering from severe fatigue. Yes, the pain medication is a huge part of it, but even when I back off from taking as much I feel tired. The only difference is I have lots of pain. Yesterday, was the first day I felt nauseous. It was very odd, I had lunch an hour previously, and then I started to feel very sick. I almost had to visit the bathroom (if you know what I mean), but I took some deep breaths and got through the feeling. So, tomorrow (Monday), couldn't come soon enough when I visit my new oncologist at Salem Hospital. He and my OHSU oncologist have a working relationship that will allow me to be under his care and so I don't have to drive as far every week. I thank Bill Courtney for driving last week. It was a big relief not having to drive that distance with my bad leg. I would have to rely on people every week if I couldn't go to Salem. I didn't want to put that sort of burden on my friends. It also sounds like that Salem has a very nice Cancer Institute. It also will be just minutes from my house.

I went to work two days last week and I expect to hopefully go more this week -- maybe 3-4 days. My new manager has been very understanding.

I'll admit -- I feel sick and tired. My activity is at an all time low right now. This mostly has to do with the cancer, but also some personal matters on the side. But with friends keeping my spirits lifted, I have no worries. My friend Michele came to visit for the day yesterday -- that was pretty cool. She is helping me get a new pet (probably a kitten). I am excited for that. Then last week, my pal Jonathan and I went to a pub and got a bit to eat, played some guitar hero. Later in the week I went to his place and we enjoyed some brews and watched Hancock -- a pretty good Will Smith flick.

So, all in all I am staying alive here. Yeah, life could be much better for me right now... but I am doing my best to stay afloat.

-LB

Life

Tomorrow is the big day where I find out when I start chemotherapy. I see my oncologist at OHSU on Wednesday afternoon. He should at very least give me a preliminary plan on what I'm up against as far as treatment goes. Fortunately, this go round it appears I will be getting a much "lighter" treatment then I did back in 1997-98. Essentially, we are managing the enlarged lymph nodes instead of trying to kill cancer dead in it's tracks. Such and approach would hospitalize me with intensive chemotherapy, almost causing more harm than good. I have the impression chemo is something I might have to undergo every few years just to keep my "crazy cells" under control. Nonetheless, this treatment is going to make me tired, keep me from going to work on a regular basis, and lower my white blood cell count.

I have already exuasted all of my vacation and sick leave with ODOT. This means any time I take off now will be unpaid, and I also run the risk of losing my benefits if I go below full time status. My last hope is putting in for 'hardship donations.' This is where generous fellow ODOT employees donate vacation time to those of us less fortunate. I am keeping my fingers crossed that this is something that will work out for me.

On one final note, I am a single guy once again. Things ultimatly did not work out for us. I am sure that the recent pressure of my illness didn't help matters. Regardless, it is better for us to move on at this point. I had a really good time while it lasted and as much of a bummer it is to breakup, it often is a part of life.

-LB

I'm Out - FINALLY!

September 2nd, 2008 -- my 28th birthday, and I'm finally discharged from OHSU hospital... FINALLY!

What's next? A lot of wound care -- I'll be going to a place here in Salem for quite sometime having my wound packed and dressed to see that it heals properly. I will also be downing a lot of oral antibiotics to keep myself from getting infected... because my leg is just a breeding ground for bacteria at this point -- YUCK!

My girlfriend Carrie returned from Disney World today as well. It was nice to have things get a little bit back to normal. We missed each other and wished the circumstances wouldn't have worked out this way. Nonetheless, at least it's water under the bridge now and we are together again.

In addition, I had planned on making a visit back home to Joseph, but because of my hospital stay it's likely to be Thanksgiving at this point. I'm out of sick leave and vacation time at work. I'll be using disability leave from work here on out. I hope to return intermittently sometime in the near future as chemo starts soon.

Thanks everyone for your well wishes, prayers, and good thoughts while I was out of commission. Even so, I'll be healing, resting, and off the radar for quite some time ahead, it's still nice to know how many of you care. A special thanks to my friend Melissa Newhouse for arriving at my beckon-call this morning when I was released. It was a way cool favor to do on one's not so hot b-day.

-LB

Still Here

September 2nd is my 28th birthday, and the seventh day I will be at OHSU Hospital. I want to be discharged so bad it's not even funny. I feel like I've almost forgotten what daily life feels like.

I do understand the dangers of being released too early. I have two very serious bacterium in my system that the IV antibiotics have finally finished off. But the thought of coming back to spend another week or two in this place doesn't seem appealing at all. So I'm going to go when I am told I can go. That day is hopefully my birthday.

Before I can even start chemo, I have to have significant healing of my wound created from the biopsy I had a couple weeks ago. That could take at least a month or two. The wound is nearly a foot deep. The abnormally enlarged lymph node was sitting around one of the major nerves on my thigh -- it did not feel pleasant at all. What's worse is that I have several of them in my pelvic region, and God knows what they are touching, as they are causing me tremendous pain.

I'm also not likely to return to work on a regular basis anytime soon. Normal life as I know it will take sometime to return--but this year has been anything but normal.

-LB

P.S. Thank you SO much for coming to see me during my hospital stay Melissa, Kelly, and Zeke! And of course my parents who were here several days of my stay!