Top Ten For Week of June 21, 2008

1. Carrie Everett
2. Jonathan Stephens
3. Michael Everett
4. Kelly R. H. Zobrist
5. Robin Ness
6. Debbie Bobbitt
7. Hannah Bobbitt
8. Tim Dunn
9. Richard Kerzan
10. Henry Salvatori

Catching Up

I find myself catching up with you all once again... a lot has happened.

Most recently, I just got out of a two day hospital stay for cellulitis. This hit me with a vengence on Sunday evening when I became extremely tired, dizzy, light-headed, and nauseated. Once I fell asleep I began to have a temperature and woke up in a sweat almost all over my body. Feeling better, I drove home to Salem from Portland where I was at with my girlfriend. I went to sleep, but felt pain in my right leg all night. Not knowing what was going on, I looked down at it in the morning discovering it was red from my waist to my knee. It was obviously infected.

I immediatly called Carrie and we went to the ER at OHSU. Shortly after seeing it, the doctors admitted me immediatly, requesting I stay the night for observation. I was put on IV antibiotics and monitored closely. It was amazing how quickly the infection had spread. I felt drained and very sick for several hours after. Finally the antibiotics kicked in, and I started feeling better.

Here is a Wikipedia explanation: Cellulitis is an inflammation of the connective tissue underlying the skin, that can be caused by a bacterial infection. Cellulitis can be caused by normal skin flora or by exogenous bacteria, and often occurs where the skin has previously been broken.

The truth is, we don't know how I got it, and when I asked one doctor that question, the response was "bad luck." Go figure, I think I've had that for 27 years.

In other news, things with my girlfriend and I have been going great now. I love spending almost everyday with her. She is a great person and I am thankful to have her in my life!

Recently, we spent Memorial Day in Joseph and I showed her around Wallowa County. Here are some pictures we took recently both then and on other outings:

Carrie, and her dog "Louie"

Me and 'Carebear' on our first coast trip to Lincoln City

We stopped by Multnomah Falls during our recent trip to Joseph

Carrie and I on our trip down the Imnaha River towards Cow Creek.

Wallowa Lake, during the clearest day over the Memorial Day weekend.

My pal Antoun, who recently moved to Eugene, and Jonathan in the background.


Dylan's last night before going in the Marines. Me, Dylan, and Thane from left to right.


Imnaha Canyon rims, what a cool looking place!

One of our best pictures together, at a rest stop ironically. Melamoose on the Columbia to be exact.

One last look at the Imnaha River Canyon!

Ok, so now you're caught up, at least for the time being. I am happy to say I am back in fairly good health and planning on keeping it that way. Oh, and one last thing, I'm losing weight from going to the gym almost everyday for an hour and a half. Good health is on the horizon, I can feel it.

-LB

Carrie

For the first time writing on my blog I am speechless... I don't know where to begin with this... so I will just start somewhere random I suppose.

I can't really say I just met this person..., in fact I've known her for about 7 months now. But what I can say is that I've only recently gotten to know her well.

It all started about two or three months ago, I met her in person for the first time. She started off as a coworker that I talked on the phone to and e-mailed often -- but only for business reasons. Then, she came over to the building I work in, and from then I was hooked.

The first day I saw her I felt like I had known her for a long time. We just "clicked" from day one. We are both very sarcastic, fun-loving, goofy people.

Let me introduce to you Carrie Everett, the girl who I really like, a lot.

She laughs at every stupid thing that comes out of my mouth, makes me feel better when I whine. She makes me very happy. Happy in a way I've never felt before.

It's the icing on the cake after all that I've been through, that I'd be lucky enough to have someone this cool in my life. I am thankful for you, Carrie.

-LB

Top Ten For Week of May 10, 2008

1. Carrie Everett
2. Antoun Kehdi
3. Jonathan Stephens
4. Debbie Bobbitt
5. Carl Bobbitt
6. Robin Ness
7. Kelly Zobrist
8. Hannah Bobbitt
9. Dylan Lewis
10. Thane Shetler
    

The Good Pain

For the past weeks and months you've listened to me bicker and complain about my battle with cancer, pain, and narcotic dependency as a result. Well, no more -- a new era is beginning. For the first time in years I am taking steps in the right direction for my health. I have my friends Jonathan Stephens and Antoun Kehdi to thank.

Last week I joined a gym. If you would have asked me a year ago if I'd consider that notion, I'd probably laugh in your face. But, no, this is not a joke. I began a cardio workout for about 45 minutes a day effective last week. This week the regimen got much harder with upper and lower body weight lifting, followed by a cardio workout totalling an hour and a half per day working out. I've been following the recommendations of Jonathan, who has plenty of background with weight lifting and workouts. I'm already feeling the muscle pain, but this is a good pain -- a pain that I'm working to achieve because it means better days ahead.

It is as if the switch was flipped last week. I'm feeling more outgoing and happy since being off the medication. But more notably, I've been pain-free for a couple weeks now. With the cancer and narcotics becoming a distant memory, my life is starting to feel like it is on track.

I also want to mention some great people that I've been getting to know better at work. I met Jonathan and Antoun right off the bat when I came to work at ODOT six months ago, but more recently I've made some new friends as well. First, I'd like to mention Kelly. Oh my God... ! She is an interesting gal. She usually has something interesting, funny, and/or warped to say. Recently, she drew a bunny farting hearts on the window of my cube at work. That was a topic of discussion for several days! It is strangely weird, as she reminds me of my friend Erin Melville from Wallowa County. They could be sisters... very similar personalities! Next, I've gotten to know Malinda better lately... though she doesn't have the same personality as someone I know from back home -- even more spooky she looks IDENTICAL to my friend Alyse from Enterprise. It's totally crazy. I might be living in the bizzaro world here in Salem. More on that later...

-LB

Hope

It actually happened. I survived. I stepped out of the vicious circle. I'm not a hero. I'm not a victim. I am simply a survivor.

What I am referring to is my dependence, which admittedly, I could now describe as sometimes borderline addiction to narcotics. For over seven months I needed them to survive or at least function normally. Not anymore.

Last Saturday I woke up some 48 hours after taking my last oxycontin feeling as if I was seeing the world in high-definition. That is the only way I can describe it. I could see colors, feel things, and smell like never before... but maybe I just forgot?

For seven long months, I felt fuzzy, sweaty, constipated (yes, that is what these drugs do to you), and most odd of all, swollen. I found out as soon as I went off that they were making me retain water... how crazy is that? I immediately lost pound after pound of water, seeing my body shrink almost overnight. But, let's not get too excited -- I didn't get skinny, just less fat.

Oh, but coming off this medication didn't come without a lot of pain and discomfort. The first few days were total hell. I was hot, then cold, then depressed, then cold and depressed. Tired, but not able to sleep. Much of it felt as if I had influenza. Even a week later, I still feel anxiety and inconsistent energy. Though, what I can tell you most about the energy is that I am having trouble sleeping whereas before I couldn't stay awake.

Despite all of that, I am starting to feel good again. My mental health is improving more importantly. It as if I have finally woken up from this horrible nightmare which has easily been the worst seven months of my life.

It's nice to be back, I've missed you.

-LB

The Missed Wedding

A big congrats to my cousin JP and his new wife Amy on their marriage today, April 5, 2008.

I couldn't be there for a variety of reasons... most due to the fact I do not have any vacation time available to me yet. But the good news is in less than 30 days I will become a permanent State of Oregon employee!

In this dreaded previous seven months I have used any and all days available to me and then some. I have missed the better part of a month collectively because of my illness and my sister's wedding.

However, moving on... I think this is the last major event that I will have to miss for quite some time because I am healing, improving, and gaining ground by the day. But, boy, it would have been great to see my cousin get married in Hawaii! They did have it 'stream' over the internet, but unfortunately it was full of some technical glitches, and I only saw a small part (at least the second part of the ceremony).

Speaking of weddings... for those of you reading -- I will be working on those over the next several weeks. I have four weddings that need to be edited and burnt to DVD that I filmed last summer, and I have appreciated everyone's patience.

Vacation days are coming. Getting paid while not being at work... hmmmmm -- HOW COOL!

-LB

Top Ten For Week of April 5, 2008

1. Jonathan Stephens
2. Antoun Kehdi
3. Debbie Bobbitt
4. Carl Bobbitt
5. Michele Sawin
6. Robin Ness
7. Tim Dunn
8. Linda Barrett Courtney
9. Christian Ambroson
10. Dylan Lewis
    

Getting Back On Track

If you haven't noticed, I've been lying low lately. This, being my first blog entry in almost a month, and only the second of the year (sorry). Things haven't been good... there's no sense in making stuff up... I haven't been good. 2007 was an interesting year that brought on a lot of change, and I think 2008 is going to be a year of rebuilding and rehealing -- and a year of new experiences both unpleasant and pleasant.

First of all, to explain my last blog entry... I've had quite an ordeal with the narcotic pain medication. I want to explain that I am NOT addicted, but rather I am dependent. I actually become ill when I come off the pain meds. I get physically and mentally sick. My folks would be the first to tell you, as they are usually the first phone call I make when I'm "crashing." Teary-eyed and depressed, I tell them I feel the world is ending, or at least mine that is. The truth is, it's really not -- my parents explain this to me. The thing is, I keep telling myself it's just the medication, but no matter what my mind plays powerful tricks because of the withdrawal. So, me being the inquiring mind, asked my dad the other day "why didn't I have this feeling the first time I had cancer and pain medication?" Evidentially I didn't have much of any pain medication except before the chemotherapy, and once I was on the chemo, the pain meds were not a part of my regimen. This time, on the other hand, it was very necessary that I have pain medication to function even half way normally. You see, I was being burnt alive, which is nothing short of the truth due to the overdose of radiation I underwent last fall.

Now, I'm facing a new battle, nerve damage in my right foot. As the battle of the narcotics is winding down, I face a new fight, and that is horrific pain in my foot due to scar tissue that is apparently putting pressure on my nerve endings. I'm on a new medication now for that... more importantly -- it's non-narcotic. So, a new battle begins, but I am definitely seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I take one day at a time, remembering the people who love me, and not thinking about the people who don't.

On a lighter note, things at ODOT couldn't be better. I still very much love the job, and DO NOT miss anything about my old business. I miss my family and close friends in Joseph, but not the stress I was experiencing, especially in the latter half of last year. This was the stress that brought on my cancer, I am convinced.

I am even finding out I have some pretty good friends down here. Hanging out with my friend Michele from McMinnville has been keeping me in good spirits. My pals Jonathan and Antoun have been proving to be true assets in my 'new life' here in Salem as well. Once all of this medical stuff is behind me, I will lean on everyone a lot less and let them do some more leaning on me.

But enough of this mushy stuff. I'm taking my mom's advice, and keeping my 'chin up.' :-)

-LB

The Dependence

I write tonight in a totally different focus, one of positive thoughts and a hopeful future. This is something a week ago tonight, I could tell you was very different, in fact it was bleak.

Over the past six months I have been treated for pain as a result of my Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma which reappeared on my right foot last summer. Through radiation this past fall, a lot of healing, and a lot of rest, I can now tell you I am cancer free once again in my life. It should be normally be a time for celebration but it has actually been a time of depression. Recently, I went off the pain medication, because I no longer had pain... but what I didn't realize is... I had a dependence. It was like I had been day dreaming for the past six months and then woke up to a cold cruel reality -- or at least that is what I thought it was. However, it was not, it was a huge ugly depression which set in as my body was looking for the pain medication. I spent day after day sleeping, thinking the world was a terrible place -- in fact one thought of how life wasn't even worth living anymore. No, not taking my own life, but definitely found myself evaluating why I was even living. I knew this was because of the withdrawals, but no matter how many times I told myself it was because of that and only that, I felt like I was at rock bottom. Symptoms like sweating, trembling, and feeling cold were very common for me. After talking to my family, I knew I had to seek help, and that I did this past Tuesday where I met my new physician in Stayton, Oregon. Recommended to me by my friend Linda, this doc was incredibly thorough and caring about the situation and helped me develop a plan to rid myself of this awful dependence. It involves putting me back on a "trickle" of what I was on for the pain medication along with another prescription.

Also notably, I was kept "afloat" during my downtime by phone calls to my family and my local Salem friends.

I can tell you now here at the end of the week I am a new man, and oddly enough I am happier than I've been since before becoming ill with the cancer. I don't think I've felt this good for a couple of years. I feel renewed and very hopeful of my outlook.

One thing I've learned from all this, how powerful drugs can be, and how I don't want to be dependent on them. Here's to the happier and wonderful days ahead :-)

-LB