I'm Out - FINALLY!

September 2nd, 2008 -- my 28th birthday, and I'm finally discharged from OHSU hospital... FINALLY!

What's next? A lot of wound care -- I'll be going to a place here in Salem for quite sometime having my wound packed and dressed to see that it heals properly. I will also be downing a lot of oral antibiotics to keep myself from getting infected... because my leg is just a breeding ground for bacteria at this point -- YUCK!

My girlfriend Carrie returned from Disney World today as well. It was nice to have things get a little bit back to normal. We missed each other and wished the circumstances wouldn't have worked out this way. Nonetheless, at least it's water under the bridge now and we are together again.

In addition, I had planned on making a visit back home to Joseph, but because of my hospital stay it's likely to be Thanksgiving at this point. I'm out of sick leave and vacation time at work. I'll be using disability leave from work here on out. I hope to return intermittently sometime in the near future as chemo starts soon.

Thanks everyone for your well wishes, prayers, and good thoughts while I was out of commission. Even so, I'll be healing, resting, and off the radar for quite some time ahead, it's still nice to know how many of you care. A special thanks to my friend Melissa Newhouse for arriving at my beckon-call this morning when I was released. It was a way cool favor to do on one's not so hot b-day.

-LB

Still Here

September 2nd is my 28th birthday, and the seventh day I will be at OHSU Hospital. I want to be discharged so bad it's not even funny. I feel like I've almost forgotten what daily life feels like.

I do understand the dangers of being released too early. I have two very serious bacterium in my system that the IV antibiotics have finally finished off. But the thought of coming back to spend another week or two in this place doesn't seem appealing at all. So I'm going to go when I am told I can go. That day is hopefully my birthday.

Before I can even start chemo, I have to have significant healing of my wound created from the biopsy I had a couple weeks ago. That could take at least a month or two. The wound is nearly a foot deep. The abnormally enlarged lymph node was sitting around one of the major nerves on my thigh -- it did not feel pleasant at all. What's worse is that I have several of them in my pelvic region, and God knows what they are touching, as they are causing me tremendous pain.

I'm also not likely to return to work on a regular basis anytime soon. Normal life as I know it will take sometime to return--but this year has been anything but normal.

-LB

P.S. Thank you SO much for coming to see me during my hospital stay Melissa, Kelly, and Zeke! And of course my parents who were here several days of my stay!

<<< DEVELOPING NEWS >>>

ADMITTED BACK INTO OHSU

I wish I had better news to report, but I don't. The wound from my biopsy went from bad to worse on Wednesday. After a doctor in Stayton took a look at it, he told me to get back up to OHSU immediately. Thus, this is what I did, and I was admitted back into the hospital for a type of cellulitis infection, if not more. The report back from the culture they took should be in soon to determine what bacteria started this all. What I can say is that it came from the very hospital where I had the surgery -- go figure!

Again, this is a surgery I didn't even need had the P.E.T. scan been taken before to determine the lymph node was not metastasized. Now I cannot move forward with anything until the infection is gone. Right now, I am under some pretty powerful antibiotics to rid me of this nasty infection in my left groin.

What's worse: the sutures did not hold, and they had to completely take out any of the stitches they put in originally, and pack the wound from the bottom up. I now have a big hole in my leg! It will take some time to heal all up.

CHEMOTHERAPY LIKELY TO HAPPEN SOON

Not a big fan of chemo, but with the pain I've been lately, I'll take it at this point. This afternoon my doc stopped by my hospital room here at OHSU and told me the three treatment regimens he is tossing around right now, they range from fairly light to a more intense round of drugs. The lymph nodes in the back of my abdomen have only gotten more significant and more painful in the last few days... making it more of a reality that I have T-Cell Lymphoma.

I will keep you posted on this developing front as my treatment for the infection winds down. I should be out of the hospital this weekend.

I know life isn't fair, but a guy has to start wondering when he's going to get a break?

-LB

THE LATEST --------->

P.E.T. SCAN RESULTS ARE IN

I received a call from my oncologist this afternoon -- the results from my P.E.T. scan were in. The news confirmed what I had suspected, that Lymphoma is likely in lymph nodes deep in my abdominal area rather than in my groin. The procedure I had almost two weeks ago was a waste of time, as the cancer was higher up in my body. Why a P.E.T. scan was not ordered before the biopsy is beyond me, and frankly, I'm not too thrilled about it right now.

So what will happen next? Though the scan showed cells metastasizing in the abdominal lymph glands, it is still not a sure bet I have cancer. Nine out of ten times it is, however. One of three things are likely to happen: 1) A needle biopsy will be performed to collect tissue, 2) an endoscopic biopsy will be done to view and collect the tissue, 3) some light chemotherapy treatment will be given to see if it has any results. Why weren't these things done previously, even on the lymph node that wasn't effected? Why weren't these options even discussed with me before? It's beyond me, and I'm growing with frustration over it.

This all comes on the heels of yesterday's follow up appointment with my surgeon to remove the sutures. Apparently it was too long and my skin had already started growing over the top of them, making the removal a painful and messy process. Days before, the incision had started to leak a clear and milky discharge. I called into my oncologist who told me this can happen. As the weekend progressed it became more of a stream than a drip. By Monday (yesterday) it was starting to slow a bit. Nevertheless, I could not go out in public, let alone go to work. My surgeon said it was lymph fluid coming from my lower leg and going straight out -- saying it was the "path of least resistance." The reinforcements he put in place weren't working and the wound would have to be 'packed.' Today I had my second round of 'packing' done out in Stayton where my primary doctor is. Their reaction was negative as well, noting the infection and lack of care to the wound and surgery. Wednesday, I will most likely be heading towards Portland again to make sure the infection is under control.

Right now I stay home (unable to work), and thinking about what is in front of me -- another frustrating battle with Lymphoma, something I'm going to fight, but not likely with the help of OHSU.

-LB

Change of Plans

Needle Biopsy Called Off; P.E.T. Scan To Be Taken Instead -

In a last minute decision, it appears I will be having a P.E.T. scan on Monday at OHSU instead of a needle biopsy. This is because OHSU radiologists are just too nervous to perform one in the sensitive area where my lymph nodes are. According to my oncologist -- it was just to risky to go in there with a needle. Because I wasn't about to go under with general anesthesia again, I opted to go ahead and take another P.E.T. scan. My previous scan was over six months ago, last January in fact.

(photo credit: this is what a typical needle biopsy of a lymph node looks like. The needle is quite long and such a biopsy can be very painful, but does not require someone to be put asleep, it's all local anesthetics.)

The P.E.T. should give us a lot of clues according to my doctor. He said that if there indeed has been cancer activity since the first of the year, it will show it. And if it does, I am prepared to have one of not more treatments of chemotherapy. After talking with my family about it, it seems like the wisest route to go at this point. Having more surgery is at the end of my list. Even steroid treatment trumps any exploratory surgeries in my opinion.

The other ongoing issue is the amount of work I have been missing. This has been an awfully rough experience as I just took a promotion at ODOT. So far, my manager has been understanding and is aware I might be out for intermittent periods over the next few months.

Meanwhile, I find myself home alone in Salem and lonely :-( as my girlfriend and her son are off in sunny Florida at Disneyworld. There was more than one reason why I was unable to go along. Maybe next year I will be able to go.

-LB

>>><<<< BREAKING NEWS <<<<<>>>>

"OMG, WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?"

The news is in! It's not good news, nor is it bad... it's just plain confusing. After being forced to wait over an hour for my doctor, my girlfriend and I found out that there is no evidence that Lymphoma is present in my left groin. So where does that leave us? Just exactly where we were 24 hours ago. The biopsy result did say I have inflamed tissue which was causing the swelling in both my groin and leg. This we do know.

(photo credit: Oregon Health & Science University's Center for Health and Healing on the south waterfront of the Willamette River in Portland, Oregon / where I have all my appointments with my oncology medical professionals).

What's next? I was given three options:
1) Take another biopsy in my pelvic region where there are more active lymph nodes.

2) Undergo steroid treatment to bring down the swelling -- though if I did have Lymphoma -- it would eventually come back on it's own.

3) Start undergoing chemotherapy treatment on the basis that I do have Lymphoma -- an option I wasn't even going to entertain!

My doctor was leaning towards option one, but let me tell you... going in to be slit open only for a second time in less than a week didn't appeal to me. As a matter of fact, I am still quite sore from this recent biopsy, which was a very unpleasant experience.

So, I listened to option 2 once again, but the thing is, it would probably have less than desirable side effects, including diabetes risk, harmful effects to liver and kidneys, and weight gain.

This took me back to option 1 -- have a biopsy, but I asked the doc at this point "did I need to have an invasive biopsy that was going to involve full-on surgery?" I suggested a needle biopsy, and after watching him debate it in his mind for about five minutes... he agreed we could proceed with this.

The needle biopsy is going to be a difficult one, because this lymph node, just like the one I just had biopsied is quite deep and will have to be guided in by a CT scan. My last scan revealed I had "golf-ball sized" lymph nodes in my pelvic area, and some of them very active. So the object is to poke one of them and extract tissue... believe me it isn't anymore pleasant than it sounds!

So, this is what is on the agenda my friends -- a needle biopsy in my pelvic area within a week. Then, maybe just then, we will have a more solid answer on what just ales this tired exhausted soul of mine.

-LB

P.S. I plan on keeping you updated regularly from here on out -- so please keep checking in!

LATEST: Waiting is the Hardest Part

LATEST NEWS:

Following last Friday's biopsy results I await a call from my doctor. That call from the doctor's office came in today. The call came earlier than expected. The scheduling coordinator informed me that my oncologist wants to see me ASAP -- so at 1pm Wednesday I find out the results of my biopsy from last week's surgery. Originally I had an appointment with my doctor four weeks in advance, but I was told the urgency of this appointment pushed me ahead of regularly scheduled appointments on an otherwise 'jam-packed' day for my oncologist.

I should find out what type of Lymphoma lies in the lymph node they removed from my left groin.

Check back here for the latest. I'll be sure to fill you in once I find out the results.

To be all out honest, I am kind of scared and definitely nervous.

-LB

It's True

Last Friday, my suspicions were confirmed by my oncologist, I have lymphoma in my left groin. The CT confirmed it, the oncologist confirmed it, an ultrasound confirmed it, and now the lymph node will be removed this Friday in surgery.

People ask if I am scared, and my answer is "hell yeah I am scared!" Though I might be scared about going through this yet again, I am not scared that I can't pull through it. I know I have enough family, friends, and prayer going around that I will make it out of this one more time.

I'd by lying to you if I didn't tell you it made me sick to have cancer for the third time in my life. It makes me even more sick that I had it less than a year ago. I keep telling myself: I HAVE HAD BETTER REACHED MY CANCER QUOTA!

I remind myself that there are people much worse off, and people not as lucky. Knowing that, and knowing how many people out there care about me are the reason I'm going to fight another time.

The folks at ODOT are the ones who amaze me the most. They have pulled together like a family for me. My managers and coworkers are genuinely concerned for me. I have been at my new position for only a week and my new coworkers haven't gotten to know me quite yet; however, the ones at my previous position do -- and it's obvious they haven't forgotten me!

My parents will be down Thursday to be with me. Carrie will be with me as well. I am thankful for all of you who will be with me there in spirit. I could say that I'm a very unlucky guy, but I know that is really not the case.

-LB

A Major Setback

It seems as if the high I was on just recently because of my new promotion is now a distant memory. I warn you, I am feeling sorry for myself.

Just as I entered ODOT last fall, I was diagnosed with Lymphoma for a second time in my life. I had some really intense and painful radiation that made life a living hell for several weeks. I still live with pain and scars months later. I ask myself: "Shouldn't I be done with this?" No, unfortunately that is not the case. It appears I might be in for battle #3 with the big C.

Just a couple of weeks ago, I felt pain in my left groin area. I thought I had pulled a muscle from the way it felt. I have been working out on a daily basis since April, and I figured it could be a high probability that this is what happened. However, after just two weeks my leg has swollen to an enormous size and the pain is intense. Not taking any chances, I visited the ER in Stayton, Oregon recently, only to receive advice to go back to Oregon Health and Science University -- not my first choice.

After having a CT at OHSU, just a day later I found my left lymph node was at an impressive size. My regular oncologist was out of town, so I could only rely on the advice of a nurse practioner, whom I believe was just telling me the bare-bone facts as she probably chose for my regular oncologist to make the call.

Friday might be the day where I found out my fate. The oncologist is back, and at that point I will most likely have a biopsy. In the meantime, what I can tell you is that I am in a lot of pain, feeling cruddy, and dealing with a really, really swollen left leg.

The silver lining on this entire ordeal is that I am once again reminded how privilaged I am to have people who love me. My parents and girlfriend have really stepped up to the plate for me. It makes me guilty to have to put them through this, although I do know it is out of my control. I wish this wasn't the case. Additionally, many of my coworkers from my previous position at ODOT have been sending their thoughts and prayers. It's a really good feeling when my girlfriend and friends whom have only known me for months already care so much.

Thank you mom, dad, and my friends for keeping me lifted up through yet another dark time in my life.

-LB

The Big Move

After about 10 months of being with the Oregon Department of Transportation here in Salem, Oregon -- I am proud to say that I have been promoted.

I leave my current position as Technology Coordinator on August 1st and will take my new position as Project Manager & Web Developer with ITS (Intelligent Transportation Systems) of ODOT. This new position will deal mostly with the Trip Check website (www.tripcheck.com). I will be working on other projects as well. I am very excited for this opportunity, but will be sad to leave my friends at the Mill Creek Office building in Salem. The new position will be clear across town near the airport.

This all came as a surprise to me when just a couple weeks ago I was surfing the ODOT jobs page and discovered this position. Once I read into it, I instantly knew I was qualified for it and thought "what the heck...." I'd give it a shot. To my shock, I received a call for an interview by the next day. The interview took place earlier this week, and shortly after I returned to work I had found out I had pretty much been offered the position. After a day of thinking about it, I accepted the new position.

My manager was very happy and supportive of my move. Though she did say it would make her "sick" that I am leaving... and my other friends (Kelly mostly) were pouting over it. I'll also really miss the antics of Laura, Malinda, and my pal Jonathan. I do know we will remain friends, however, and not let this change effect us.

Quite honestly, I didn't know that this could happen to me -- just a small town guy running a computer business... now working for the Department of Transportation... and now already working my way up the ranks. It's a good feeling. :-)

-LB